Wanting to do so

Hi,

i just read through this paragraph but I am not sure the meaning of it.

Here it says," Who knows...maybe it is better to be like the crystal merchant: never go to Mecca, and just go through life wanting to do so, he thought, again trying to convince himself."

I am not sure why this highlighted part is attached right after another verbal clause. Is the author trying to say someone just go through life wanting to do so again trying to convince himself? I think there are too many things at once. Maybe I was wrong. I feel this sentence is not clear.

thanks