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Eargasms Posted 20 years ago
Jokes, Puzzles & Riddles
Want a Giggle?
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| 02 br 02 br 00 PUNS 02 br 00 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony 02 br 00 wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 02 br 02 br 00 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but 02 br 00 don't start anything. 02 br 02 br 00 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 02 br 02 br 00 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 02 br 02 br 00 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A 02 br 00 beer please, and one for the road." 02 br 02 br 00 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste 02 br 00 funny to you?" 02 br 02 br 00 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That 02 br 00 sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual." 02 br 02 br 00 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 02 br 00 "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says 02 br 00 Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 02 br 02 br 00 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman The kids were nothing to look 02 br 00 at either. 02 br 02 br 00 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 02 br 02 br 00 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find 02 br 00 any. 02 br 02 br 00 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 02 br 00 "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you 02 br 00 can't - I've cut off your arms!" 02 br 02 br 00 13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel 02 br 02 br 00 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 02 br 02 br 00 15. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?" 02 br 02 br 00 BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE!! Here are the 10 first place winners in the 02 br 00 International Pun Contest 02 br 02 br 00 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess 02 br 00 looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per 02 br 00 passenger." 02 br 02 br 00 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says 02 br 00 "Dam!" 02 br 02 br 00 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the 02 br 00 craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your 02 br 00 kayak and heat it too. 02 br 02 br 00 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other 02 br 00 says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 02 br 02 br 00 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? 02 br 00 His goal: transcend dental medication. 02 br 02 br 00 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in 02 br 00 the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, 02 br 00 the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" 02 br 00 they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts 02 br 00 boasting in an open foyer." 02 br 02 br 00 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a 02 br 00 family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal" The other goes to a family in Spain; 02 br 00 they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his 02 br 00 birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she 02 br 00 wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're 02 br 00 twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 02 br 02 br 00 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a 02 br 00 small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from 02 br 00 the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was 02 br 00 unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went 02 br 00 back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist 02 br 00 hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 02 br 00 "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, 02 br 00 saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop Terrified, they did so, 02 br 00 thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 02 br 02 br 00 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which 02 br 00 produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet He also ate very little, 02 br 00 which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad 02 br 00 breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super 02 br 00 calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 02 br 02 br 00 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his 02 br 00 friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. 02 br 00 No pun in ten did. 02 br 02 td | 02 tr
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Top answer
0 EarGasms, 02 br 00 There so stupid !!! 0-
- 0 EarGasms, 02 br 00 There so stupid !!!
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10 Answers
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0 EarGasms, 02 br
00 There so stupid !!! But I liked them so much... 02 br
00 I think I got the Pentothal of them all, except for number 8 which I'm still struggling to understand... 02 br
00 Pls keep humouring us with these silly puns of yours ! 02 br
00 Waïti. 0-
00 There so stupid !!! But I liked them so much... 02 br
00 I think I got the Pentothal of them all, except for number 8 which I'm still struggling to understand... 02 br
00 Pls keep humouring us with these silly puns of yours ! 02 br
00 Waïti. 0-
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0 01 blockquote
02 br
00 cheers 010id 1
01 cite 10 Ville_maddengurl 12 cite 15 0 10 i gotta say u r such a recreational... 12 blockquote10 Yeah I agree with Ville, 02 br
02 br
00 cheers 010id 1
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0 for those who can explain the first #1,2,3 puns to me, I am giving you a new pun for fun: 02 br
02 br
00 What do you call a 01 b 00 deer 02 b 00 with 01 b 00 no 02 b 00 01 b 00 eyes 02 b 00 ? 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 No 02 b 00 idea! 02 br
02 br
00 What do you call a 01 b 00 deer 0
02 br
00 What do you call a 01 b 00 deer 02 b 00 with 01 b 00 no 02 b 00 01 b 00 eyes 02 b 00 ? 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 No 02 b 00 idea! 02 br
02 br
00 What do you call a 01 b 00 deer 0
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0 Warrener, 02 br
00 My two cents worth interpretations of #1, 2 and 3 : 02 br
00 - the reception was good : the pun is therefore with the quality of the radio/tv signal reaching the antenna vs how good the buffet and the fiesta for celebrating the wedding were. 02 br
00 - don't start anything : (a jumper cable is used when your battery is so low that you cannot get you
00 My two cents worth interpretations of #1, 2 and 3 : 02 br
00 - the reception was good : the pun is therefore with the quality of the radio/tv signal reaching the antenna vs how good the buffet and the fiesta for celebrating the wedding were. 02 br
00 - don't start anything : (a jumper cable is used when your battery is so low that you cannot get you
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0 Hi, Waïti, 02 br
02 br
00 I am glad that you like my pun. 05 0 00 And thank you for your reply. But I am still a little confused why there are fights in a bar? Don't we drink alcohol there? 010id 1
02 br
00 I am glad that you like my pun. 05 0 00 And thank you for your reply. But I am still a little confused why there are fights in a bar? Don't we drink alcohol there? 010id 1
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0 To tell the truth, as a non-native English speaker, I don't understand most of the puns ..... well, indeed all of them. 05 0 02 br
02 br
00 Would anybody kindly explain the puns you like most to me? I really want to learn them. 02 br
02 br
00 Thanks. 010id 10
02 br
00 Would anybody kindly explain the puns you like most to me? I really want to learn them. 02 br
02 br
00 Thanks. 010id 10
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