Verbal abilities

Question

Please help me correct the errors of the following paragraph. Thanks!

On the other hand, I like reading novels. Reading novels helps me develop my verbal abilities, improve my concentration and imagination, and make me smarter. Moreover, I love listening to music no matter what type of music it is, such as popular music, blues, country music, mood music, jazz music, hip-hop, rock and roll, etc. Listening to music makes me happier, improve my sleep quality, and reduce my depression and anxiety.

Clive · Accepted Answer

Here are some basic edits.

On the other hand, I like reading novels. It helps me develop my verbal abilities, improves my concentration and imagination, and makes me smarter. Moreover, I love listening to all types of music, such as pop, blues, country, mood music, jazz, hip-hop, and rock and roll. Listening to music makes me happier, improves my sleep quality, and reduces my depression and anxiety.

Here is a more general comment. If you start a paragraph with 'On the other hand, I like reading novels', the reader will expect that the paragraph will be about reading and/or novels. What is the topic of your paragraph?

Clive

Contiluo · Answer

This paragraph, originally written by a student and revised by me, is the second paragraph of her self-introduction. The first paragraph has been posted on the thread “wag my tongue” and corrected by the teachers on the forum. It is written as follows:

Hello, everyone. I am Ketty. I’m a Libra. I am an outgoing girl who is very sociable. I like hanging out, talking to friends, and meeting new people. I am not afraid to talk to someone new and I make friends very quickly. People may think I am a noisy girl because I always talk loudly. However, I’m good at perking people up at a party, and they also say I am the life of the party. I like a joyous atmosphere, so I always bring joy and happiness to people around me. As long as I am somewhere, there will be laughter.

On the other hand, I'm good at various sports, such as volleyball, jogging and swimming. I always get awards for my outstanding performances in them. Besides, I like reading novels. It helps me develop my verbal abilities, improves my concentration and imagination, and makes me smarter. Moreover, I love listening to all types of music, such as pop, blues, country, mood music, jazz, hip-hop, and rock and roll. Listening to music makes me happier, improves my sleep quality, and reduces my depression and anxiety.

In addition,...

Clive · Answer

How would you now like us to help you, please?

Clive

Contiluo · Answer

I just explain the paragraphs of the self-introduction in sequence. However, I haven't finished last part.  When I finish last paragraph, I will need your hlep to correct the errors.

Clive · Answer

You need to focus each paragraph on one particular topic or feature about Ketty. Without that, the whole thing just sounds like an unorganized stream of thoughts.

For example, why do you say 'on the other hand'? This phrase introduces some kind of contrast, but in this writing I don't see what two features of Ketty are being contrasted.

Here are three things for you to consider: organization, organization, organization.

Clive

Contiluo · Answer

Just as you mentioned, I made the error. In paragraph one, I focus on the description of her personality. In paragraph two, I emphasize her talents or hobbies. If I delete the words "on the other hand" in paragraph two, will it work? It is written as:

I'm good at various sports, such as volleyball, jogging and swimming. I always get awards for my outstanding performances in them. Besides, I like reading novels. It helps me develop my verbal abilities, improves my concentration and imagination, and makes me smarter. Moreover, I love listening to all types of music, such as pop, blues, country, mood music, jazz, hip-hop, and rock and roll. Listening to music makes me happier, improves my sleep quality, and reduces my depression and anxiety.

Clive · Answer

Try to start each paragraph with a sentence that tells the reader what topic you will focus on in that paragraph..

eg I have a lot of hobbies.. . . . .

eg I am very good at sports. . . . .

Please do that before you post more to be checked.Then post your whole text/speech.
Clive

Contiluo · Answer

Now, I post the whole text as follows. Please help me correct the errors. Thanks !

Self-Introduction

Hello, everyone. I am Ketty. I’m a Libra. I am an outgoing girl who is very sociable. I like hanging out, talking to friends, and meeting new people. I am not afraid to talk to someone new and I make friends very quickly. People may think I am a noisy girl because I always talk loudly. However, I’m good at perking people up at a party, and they also say I am the life of the party. I like a joyous atmosphere, so I always bring joy and happiness to people around me. As long as I am somewhere, there will be laughter.

I'm good at various sports, such as volleyball, jogging and swimming. I always get awards for my outstanding performances in them. Sports not only improve my fitness and weight goals, but also teach me teamwork and help achieve goals. Furthermore, team sports are good for me to learn responsibility, dedication, and leadership.

I have a lot of hobbies. First, I like reading novels. It helps me develop my verbal abilities, improves my concentration and imagination, and makes me smarter. Next, I love listening to all types of music, such as pop, blues, country, mood music, jazz, hip-hop, and rock and roll. Listening to music makes me happier, improves my sleep quality, and reduces my depression and anxiety.

By the way, my idol is A-Pink, a South Korean girl group. I love listening to their songs and watch their shows on YouTube. The simplest way of listening to A-Pink’s music is to listen for the sheer pleasure of the musical sound itself. Their music and performances provides me health benefits which can bring up my moods and give me power to rally my spirits, especially when I am in a gloomy mood. I hope I will have the chance to attend A-Pink’s concert, and my dream of being able to hug the group members will come true.

With regards to my career planning, I want to be a lawyer in the future. Undoubtedly, there are more and more people earning less income than before and a growing disparity between the rich and the poor. I am a person with a deep sense of justice, willing to stand up for the underdogs who are disadvantaged labor groups. Therefore, I view my mission in life as protecting the weak from the evil, speaking boldly to uphold justice.

Clive · Answer

Self-Introduction

Hello, everyone. I am Ketty. I’m a Libra. I am an outgoing girl who is very sociable. I like hanging out, talking to friends, and meeting new people. I am not afraid to talk to someone new and I make friends very quickly. People may think I am a noisy girl because I always talk loudly. How is 'nosy' related to loudness? However, I’m good at perking people up at a party, and they also say I am the life of the party. I like a joyous atmosphere, so I always bring joy and happiness to people around me. As long as I am somewhere, there will be laughter.

I'm good at various sports, such as volleyball, jogging and swimming. I always get awards for my outstanding performances in them. Sports not only improve my fitness and weight, but also teach me teamwork and help achieve goals. Furthermore, team sports are good for me to learn responsibility, dedication, and leadership.

I have a lot of hobbies. First, I like reading novels. It helps me develop my verbal abilities, improves my concentration and imagination, and makes me smarter. Next, I love listening to all types of music, such as pop, blues, country, mood music, jazz, hip-hop, and rock and roll. Listening to music makes me happier, improves my sleep quality, and reduces my depression and anxiety.

By the way, my idol is A-Pink, a South Korean girl group. I love listening to their songs and watch their shows on YouTube. The simplest way of listening to A-Pink’s music is to listen for the sheer pleasure of the musical sound itself. Their music and performances provides me health benefits which can raise my moods and give me power to rally my spirits, especially when I am in a gloomy mood. I hope I will have the chance to attend an A-Pink concert, and my dream of being able to hug the group members will come true.

With regard to my career planning, I want to be a lawyer in the future. Undoubtedly, there are more and more people earning less income than before and a growing disparity between the rich and the poor. I am a person with a deep sense of justice, willing to stand up for the underdogs who are in disadvantaged labor groups. Therefore, I view my mission in life as protecting the weak from the evil, speaking boldly to uphold justice.

Good work!

Contiluo · Answer

I rewrite the sentence in paragraph one: "People may think I am a noisy girl because I always talk loudly" as:
People may think I am a feather-lunged girl because I always keep talking in a loud voice. Is it work?

Verbal abilities

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