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Bareed235 Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Urgent..plz check my first "Narrative Paragraph"
Hello... I am studying English in level 2 at the university.
This is my first narrative paragraph.
Would you please check the ( spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, punctuation marks mistakes, and writing mistakes) ?
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The moment my cousin was hit by a car, I felt shocked. In my town there are some streets that have not pavements between up the street and down the street. So that, you have to be careful when you walk across the street to the other side. My cousin was about 11 years old, and he was not controllable. One day, my cousin and I went to a shop. We entered the shop. After we finished, he suddenlly ran out of the shop into the street. I yelled at him to come back, but he was not listening. In no time a car hit him. For a second, I felt shocked and did not understand what had just happened. He fell down. He was loosing a lot of bloods. I was confused and not knowing what to do. The man ,who hit him, took us to the hospital. As soon as we arrived to the hospital, I phoned my uncle. After my uncle came, I felt relieved. Few months later, my cousin told me that he will never ever walk across a street, till he makes sure there are no cars.
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I am waiting for the correction!
This is my first narrative paragraph.
Would you please check the ( spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, punctuation marks mistakes, and writing mistakes) ?
------------
The moment my cousin was hit by a car, I felt shocked. In my town there are some streets that have not pavements between up the street and down the street. So that, you have to be careful when you walk across the street to the other side. My cousin was about 11 years old, and he was not controllable. One day, my cousin and I went to a shop. We entered the shop. After we finished, he suddenlly ran out of the shop into the street. I yelled at him to come back, but he was not listening. In no time a car hit him. For a second, I felt shocked and did not understand what had just happened. He fell down. He was loosing a lot of bloods. I was confused and not knowing what to do. The man ,who hit him, took us to the hospital. As soon as we arrived to the hospital, I phoned my uncle. After my uncle came, I felt relieved. Few months later, my cousin told me that he will never ever walk across a street, till he makes sure there are no cars.
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I am waiting for the correction!
Top answer
Hi Bareed235, The moment my cousin was hit by a car, I felt shocked. In my town there are some streets that have not (awk) pavements between up the street and down the street . So that, you have to be careful when you walk across the street to the other side (already implied) .
- Hi Bareed235, The moment my cousin was hit by a car, I felt shocked.
- In my town there are some streets that have not (awk) pavements between up the street and down the street .
- So that, you have to be careful when you walk across the street to the other side (already implied) .
- ) .
- One day, my cousin and I went to a shop.
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6 Answers
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Hi Bareed235,
The moment my cousin was hit by a car, I felt shocked. In my town there are some streets that have not (awk) pavements between up the street and down the street. So that, you have to be careful when you walk across the street to the other side (already implied). My cousin was about 11 years old, and he was not controllable (in what way?)
The moment my cousin was hit by a car, I felt shocked. In my town there are some streets that have not (awk) pavements between up the street and down the street. So that, you have to be careful when you walk across the street to the other side (already implied). My cousin was about 11 years old, and he was not controllable (in what way?)
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I am sorry.... but I didn't get it!
you haven't corrected the mistakes.
would you please do that ?
If you haven't noticed... I am a beginner in English.
so please use the full form of the words.
I am sorry if I irritate you with my post.
you haven't corrected the mistakes.
would you please do that ?
If you haven't noticed... I am a beginner in English.
so please use the full form of the words.
I am sorry if I irritate you with my post.
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Julielai
and he was not controllable (in what way?)
and he was not a controllable boy. (is it correct now?)Julielai
you have to be careful when you walk across the street to the other side(already implied)
you have to be careful when you walk across the street. (what about now?)
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JulielaiHi Bareed235,
The moment my cousin was hit by a car, I felt shocked. In my town there are some streets that have not (incorrect use of not. Try another word) pavements between up the street and down the street (try: in the street). So that, (get rid of it. It does not serve any purpose) you have to be careful when you walk acro
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