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Sandra herrera Posted 15 years ago
Letter Writing

URGENT feedback please

Hello everyone, i trying to start a Master's degree and i need to present a motivation letter, this is what i got, can someone please give me some feedback? Is really important, im kinda of running out of time. tnx

Dear
Sir/Madam:

I
write to you, to apply for the Master’s degree program in International Public
law at Utrecht University.

My name is Sandra Milena Herrera Ardila, I am a
Colombian 26 years old lawyer, graduated from the industrial university of
Santander (UIS), Colombia in 2009.

During the development of my bachelor studies I
discovered a personal and professional interest in the International Public law,
for being the law that aims to protect the welfare and the relationships
between governments for these means. This
is a sensitive subject for me, and working in this field, the International
Public Law would lead me to interrelate my moral and social compromise with my
professional career.

Being a Colombian, and living in the conditions
a developing country has, I strongly believe the protection of the social welfare
should be a priority, not only in the fields but also in the academy, for that reason I am committed to deepen my
knowledge in the Human Rights.
Considering this matter is where I came across Utrecht university: a university that besides being very well know
for the quality, gives to the student the possibility take on independent studies
and to research areas of personal interest, which is appealing to me.

I do not have International Law experience directly, but during and after my
bachelor studies I had the chance to work in a legal clinic and in an ad
honorem position in criminal justice. In
those experiences I could notice the substantial failure of our system in the
protection of the fundamental rights and also how Colombia have not integrate
completely to our legislation important topics as the protection of the
environment.

Having a bachelor degree in law, I have taken
public and private international law classes as well as Human Rights lectures, which
give me strong foundations to take advantage of the knowledge given by the
Utrecht University, and also to be successful in the course of the
International Public Law studies

The two years after my graduation (2010-2011)
have represented a lot of hard work and preparation to achieve my goals and to ensure
my triumph in the Master’s studies, for example improving my English and
getting ready for the financial and intellectual challenges such studies represents.

With
a solid foundation in academic theory and personal research gained through the
Master's Degree program on international public law at Utrecht University, I am
confident that I will have the skills and knowledge, that will make me able to
pursue a successful career in a non-governmental institution or international
court.

Thank
you, for considering my request and I am looking forward to your positive
response.

Your sincerely,

Sandra
Milena Herrera Ardila.
  

Top answer

Hi Sandra, I read your letter quickly. Unfortunately, I don't have much time. In reading your letter, I got the impression that it is more a letter written for a friend or your diary.

  • Hi Sandra, I read your letter quickly.
  • Unfortunately, I don't have much time.
  • In reading your letter, I got the impression that it is more a letter written for a friend or your diary.
  • You need to be more focused and direct.
  • In essence, you need to highlight your skills and attributes that make you a great candidate.
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1 Answers
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Hi Sandra,

I read your letter quickly. Unfortunately, I don't have much time. In reading your letter, I got the impression that it is more a letter written for a friend or your diary. You need to be more focused and direct. In essence, you need to highlight your skills and attributes that make you a great candidate.

I notice that your title has "urgent." I almost always skip urge

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