Urbanization - a loss of a sense of community

Question

Please help me correct my very first essay. Thanks a lot.In many cities, the population is increasing. Some say that urbanization process prevents us from knowing our neighbors and this causes a loss of a sense of community. Discuss the causes and give measures to turn it around.In today's world, socio-economic development has contributed to a new lifestyle in which people live separated from communities. This also means that people around us become unacquainted particularly with our neighbors. There are several reasons behind it and this essay would discuss the causes and measures to alleviate this problem.People especially who live in big cities experienced problems in relation to communication and bonding. In the past, people used to have a close relationship with neighbors and it is common to depend on each other for help or urgent needs. However, this bond is loosened because of the hectic pace of life. Most of their time now is concentrated on their career. Moreover, ways of communication also changed with the advancement of technology. On social media, they can freely voice out their thoughts or even impersonate anyone, therefore they find it easier to build a virtual relationship than a real-life one.There are some actions that government can launch to address this problem. First, authorities should create more places for social gatherings such as parks and community centers surrounding residences. This would promote citizens to integrate and open up about interests and concerns then a mutual contact might be built. Second, capitalizing on the convenience of technology, the government can introduce applications to bring people nearby closer together. Because, as a matter of fact, social media is popular and it is likely that everyone owns a smartphone that can sign in to such media.In brief, it is important to keep in touch with others and this could be carried out in the ways above-mentioned. After all, urbanization should not be a hindrance to maintaining a sense of community.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

In today's world, socio-economic development has contributed to a new lifestyle (That is not the subject. The subject is population increases in cities, or urbanization. You must write a sentence that shows the examiner you have understood the topic.) in which people live separated from communities. This also means that people around us become (wrong word. You can become rich - going from poor to wealthy. You can become an adult - from a child to a grown person. But you cannot become unacquainted - once you know someone, you cannot "un-know" them.) unacquainted particularly with our neighbors. ~~There are several reasons behind it and this essay would discuss the causes and measures to alleviate this problem~~.

Do not mention your essay. The examiner knows you are going to write about causes and measures - that is in the instructions. Do not just write the instructions in your opening paragraph.

Write your thesis statement - that is the main point of your essay. That tells the examiner what position your are going to take. Give a very short description of your ideas.

For example:

The size of cities has grown as more people from the countryside and small towns have moved to where jobs and opportunities are plentiful. Crowded cities, online social networks and busy lives are the main reasons why people do not get to know their neighbors. Also, the local shops where neighbors used to gossip have disappeared. The authorities can take actions to encourage people to meet and socialize with those who live nearby both physically and virtually.

People ~~especially~~ who live in big cities experience ~~experienced~~ (Wrong tense - it is a present problem so you have to use present tense.) problems in relation to communication and bonding. In the past, people used to have a close relationship with neighbors and it was is (Wrong tense - you are now talking about the past.) common for them to depend on each other for help or urgent needs. However, these bonds have been broken is ~~loosened~~ (There is more than one bond.) because of the hectic pace of life. Most of their time now is concentrated on their career. Moreover, ways of communication also changed with the internet. ~~advancement of technology~~. On social media, they can freely voice out their thoughts or even impersonate anyone, (comma splice error) therefore they find it easier to build a virtual relationships than a real-life ones.

There are some actions that government can launch to address this problem. First, authorities should create more places for social gatherings such as parks and community centers surrounding residences. This would ~~promote~~ encourage citizens to mingle ~~integrate~~ (Integrate is when people of different races or cultures live in the same area. ) and discuss ~~open up about~~ interests and concerns then a mutual contact might be built. Second, capitalizing on the convenience of technology, the government can introduce applications to bring people nearby closer together. Because, as a matter of fact, social media is popular and it is likely that everyone owns a smartphone that can install and run them. ~~sign in to such media.~~

In brief, it is important to keep in touch with others and this could be carried out in community centers or localized social media. ~~in the ways~~ ~~above-mentioned.~~ After all, urbanization should not be a hindrance to maintaining a sense of community.

Urbanization - a loss of a sense of community

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