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Caprice, caprice!Oh spare me, oh please!Mr.Ominous Nefarious BeastWhy I wonder why you look at me as if I were a feastI loathe how you stare at me till your own stares turn you obeseI am the prey, I am the diseasedI'm washing away until nothing remains of me but the leastA saga of a Metropolis that is yet to be seizedExcuse my derogatory way of speechBut my point might be out of your intellectual reach, Mr.Beast!Valor, valor!Talk to me, please, senor!There's no need to tell me what you mean in a semaphore!Boisterous laughter will lead to a disasterSo step a side and make way for the glib masterMy words come out impromptuI am numero uno, I am numero uno.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

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Caprice, caprice!
Oh spare me, oh please!
Mr.Ominous Nefarious Beast-- 'Mister' seems incongruous here.
Why I wonder why you look at me as if I were a feast-- you need to punctuate your 'why's.
I loathe how you stare at me till your own stares turn you obese-- 'Obese' is absolutely awful-- and it doesn't even rhyme!
I am the prey, I am the diseased
I'm washing away until nothing remains of me but the least
A saga of a Metropolis that is yet to be seized-- This line is meaningless; it has no meaning; it is a semantic vacuum.

Excuse my derogatory way of speech-- 'derogatory' is a too-formal word choice.
But my point might be out of your intellectual reach, Mr.Beast!

Valor, valor!
Talk to me, please, senor!-- Why Spanish suddenly? Isn't English good enough for you?
There's no need to tell me what you mean in a semaphore!-- So awful, it may be good. Have you been reading Ogden Nash?

Boisterous laughter will lead to a disaster
So step a side and make way for the glib master-- 'aside' is one word. Not so glib, I think.

My words come out impromptu-- This I believe. Too bad that poets don't operate that way. Not even S.T. Coleridge.

I am numero uno, I am numero uno.-- Creo que no, señor.
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Kawthar.K. · Answer

Mister Micawber.
Caprice, caprice!
Oh spare me, oh please!
Mr.Ominous Nefarious Beast-- 'Mister' seems incongruous here.
Why I wonder why you look at me as if I were a feast-- you need to punctuate your 'why's.
I loathe how you stare at me till your own stares turn you obese-- 'Obese' is absolutely awful-- and it doesn't even rhyme!
I am the prey, I am the diseased
I'm washing away until nothing remains of me but the least
A saga of a Metropolis that is yet to be seized-- This line is meaningless; it has no meaning; it is a semantic vacuum.

Excuse my derogatory way of speech-- 'derogatory' is a too-formal word choice.
But my point might be out of your intellectual reach, Mr.Beast!

Valor, valor!
Talk to me, please, senor!-- Why Spanish suddenly? Isn't English good enough for you?
There's no need to tell me what you mean in a semaphore!-- So awful, it may be good. Have you been reading Ogden Nash?

Boisterous laughter will lead to a disaster
So step a side and make way for the glib master-- 'aside' is one word. Not so glib, I think.

My words come out impromptu-- This I believe. Too bad that poets don't operate that way. Not even S.T. Coleridge.

I am numero uno, I am numero uno.-- Creo que no, señor.
.

Dies
Oh my, so what are you telling me? How do I punctuate the 'why's?
And what is a semantic vacuum?
What would've been a better word instead of 'derogatory'?
English IS good enough for me, my friend. But you see, this ~~I think~~-is more of a sardonic poem.
Ogden Nash? I don't know who that is & aside was just a type, gee!
I'm sure I've written it correctly in my other poem!

But you think I'm an awful writer, huh?
I appreciate your feedback and I wish you'd englighten me! Say, why dont you give me every piece of advice that you can think of?
Hmmmph, I'd be very grateful! Because I'm months away from graduation and university is on the way! I plan to study Linguistics, so I need to improve my English in every way that is possible!

Mister Micawber · Answer

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You will find my general feedback in your other thread, Kawthar. It is there that I say you are not an awful writer.

Dies -- Don't die yet; you are very young and have much to live for.
How do I punctuate the 'why's?-- Perhaps like this: Why? I wonder why you look at me or Why, I wonder, why you look at me
And what is a semantic vacuum?-- Something that has no meaning, not even a little bit of meaning
What would've been a better word instead of 'derogatory'?-- 'ill-mannered', maybe.
English IS good enough for me, my friend. But you see, this ~~I think~~is more of a sardonic poem.-- Spanish does not signal sardonic, sorry.
Ogden Nash? I don't know who that is & aside was just a type, gee!-- Careful writers proofread their works. James Joyce got furious when the typesetters mis-set his pages. 'I don't know' is not an excuse. We have Ms Google to help us.
I'm sure I've written it correctly in my other poem!-- I'm looking at this poem. Would the policeman be happy to hear you tell him that your driver's license was in your other car?

But you think I'm an awful writer, huh?-- Not at all; just an inexperienced and exuberant one.
I plan to study Linguistics, so I need to improve my English in every way that is possible!- Good idea. Start by reading some Ogden Nash, some Gabriel Garcia Marquez, some James Joyce and some Samuel Taylor Coleridge. You should be able to find at least pieces of their work with Ms Google's help. The best way to learn to write is to read the writers, you know.
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Kawthar.K. · Answer

Thank you very, very much!

And will do! With the help of Ms Google, as you call it

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