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AngelTears6996 Posted 21 years ago

Untitled

0 Hold me in your arms, 02br
00were it is nice and warm. 02br
02br
00Come to me on rainy days. 02br
00Lay with me under, 02br
00a cosmic moon. 02br
02br
00Dance with me, 02br
00in the twilight. 02br
00To the beating of our hearts. 02br
02br
00I await for you, 02br
00by the willowed stream. 02br
02br
00Where i know, 02br
00you will come to me 02br
00as i dream. 02br
02br
00Jessica Lamb 0-
  

Top answer

0 I'll respond to this one, Jessica, because it seems to be the least creative of the love poems you have submitted here. I do not doubt the sincerity of your emotion, but you have not found a creative or distinctive way of expressing what are common experiences for all of us in our youth. To be effective, you need to express yourself uniquely.

— Mister Micawber

  • 0 I'll respond to this one, Jessica, because it seems to be the least creative of the love poems you have submitted here.
  • I do not doubt the sincerity of your emotion, but you have not found a creative or distinctive way of expressing what are common experiences for all of us in our youth.
  • To be effective, you need to express yourself uniquely.
  • There are no lines in this particular poem which have not been written many times before, to the point that they have become cliches or song lyrics.
  • 02br 02br 00 Take a look at 'Return to Love', which another member has recently posted in this same forum, for a friend:02br 02br 00 as i slide the clay of lifetimes 02br 00 through my meloncholy hands 02br 00 my hourglass life keeps twisting 02br 00 and shifting through its sands 02br 02br 00 i feel that mindless raindrops 02br 00 falling memories of my mind 02br 00 and as i journey through the past 02br 00 i notice you behind 02br 02br 00 This poem has lots of problems too, and its length outlives its welcome, but the writer has been able to come up with some of her own intriguing turns of phrase which stand out like tiny diamond fragments-- 'clay of lifetimes', 'twisting and shifting through its sands', 'raindrops falling memories'.
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1 Answers
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0 I'll respond to this one, Jessica, because it seems to be the least creative of the love poems you have submitted here. I do not doubt the sincerity of your emotion, but you have not found a creative or distinctive way of expressing what are common experiences for all of us in our youth. To be effective, you need to express yourself uniquely. There are no lines in this particular poem
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