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Anonymous Posted 9 years ago
Grammar

Unclear sentence

A simple environment with few, or no distractions such as televisions, conversations, and the like that would otherwise elicit my focus away from my job and result in low productivity is, therefore, my preferred working environment.

Is this sentence grammatical; if so, why is it unclear? I feel like the yellow highlighted text takes emphasis away from the red highlighted text, resulting in confusion - I have to read the sentence a couple of times.

Thanks.
  

Top answer

A simple environment ..... with few, or no distractions .......... such as televisions, conversations, and the like ................

— Fivejedjon

  • A simple environment .....
  • with few, or no distractions ..........
  • such as televisions, conversations, and the like ................
  • that would otherwise elicit my focus away from my job and result in low productivity is, therefore, my preferred working environment.
  • The verb is rather a long way from its subject, but the sentence is logically constructed.
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2 Answers
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A simple environment

.....with few, or no distractions
..........such as televisions, conversations, and the like
................that would otherwise elicit my focus away from my job and result in low productivity

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Anonymouswhy is it unclear?
I don't know if "unclear" is the right word. It seems more "round-about" to me. The main point is delayed too long, and the reader loses interest. You can put the central message first.

I prefer to work in a simple environment — an environment with ...

And you can even simplify the long description of wha
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