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Anonymous Posted 17 years ago
Grammar
UCONN admission help
just looking for ideas of where to go/ correction / etc.
rough draft. There is no word minimum/maximum. I guess this is where I have had the most trouble.
Any suggestions welcome. Criticism(constructive or otherwise) appreciated.
Describe how events in your life have shaped you into the person you are today.
As I look back on the last six years of my life, high school seems so long ago. Even as odd as that makes me feel, it's even more odd to be able to so vividly remember the events that shaped me; the events that brought me to where I am today. I remember raising my right hand with my left on a bible as my father, an Air Force officer swore me into the Navy. I can clearly recall the trip to boot camp, and the fear that was instilled into me within the first 48 hours. Seeing my parent's for the first time after training was a proud moment for me. It wasn't so much a sense of accomplishment from what I had gone through, but the pride in my parent's eyes. It was at the same time uplifting and humbling. This experience forever changed me as a person.
Throughout my time in the Navy I have undergone Nuclear Training, seen life on board a Submarine, seen 3 different countries and transformed who I am. Admittedly, my high school career was marred with failures, and it sickens me to look back on how much I wasted my time. However, without that, I wouldn't have been able to spend these 6 years in the Navy, and I wouldn't have had the ability to mature so rapidly. I often times have to remind myself what a blessing this has been.
It is because of this that I wish to go to college. In spite of what lies in my past, I know my future is bright. I am driven towards success and up to the rigorous course load and effort that will be required of me. For me college is much more than the only viable course of action for a college graduate. It is an opportunity for redemption for four years of high school futility. It is a stepping stone for where I want to go in life. Most importantly, it is something I need so I can prove to myself that I am the person I should have been 6 years ago.
rough draft. There is no word minimum/maximum. I guess this is where I have had the most trouble.
Any suggestions welcome. Criticism(constructive or otherwise) appreciated.
Describe how events in your life have shaped you into the person you are today.
As I look back on the last six years of my life, high school seems so long ago. Even as odd as that makes me feel, it's even more odd to be able to so vividly remember the events that shaped me; the events that brought me to where I am today. I remember raising my right hand with my left on a bible as my father, an Air Force officer swore me into the Navy. I can clearly recall the trip to boot camp, and the fear that was instilled into me within the first 48 hours. Seeing my parent's for the first time after training was a proud moment for me. It wasn't so much a sense of accomplishment from what I had gone through, but the pride in my parent's eyes. It was at the same time uplifting and humbling. This experience forever changed me as a person.
Throughout my time in the Navy I have undergone Nuclear Training, seen life on board a Submarine, seen 3 different countries and transformed who I am. Admittedly, my high school career was marred with failures, and it sickens me to look back on how much I wasted my time. However, without that, I wouldn't have been able to spend these 6 years in the Navy, and I wouldn't have had the ability to mature so rapidly. I often times have to remind myself what a blessing this has been.
It is because of this that I wish to go to college. In spite of what lies in my past, I know my future is bright. I am driven towards success and up to the rigorous course load and effort that will be required of me. For me college is much more than the only viable course of action for a college graduate. It is an opportunity for redemption for four years of high school futility. It is a stepping stone for where I want to go in life. Most importantly, it is something I need so I can prove to myself that I am the person I should have been 6 years ago.
Top answer
Really interesting! English must be your first language. Or perhaps you came here as a baby.
- Really interesting!
- English must be your first language.
- Or perhaps you came here as a baby.
- " Only two very minor (very minor) points: (1) my father, an Air Force officer, ....
- I'm also new to this website.
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2 Answers
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Really interesting! English must be your first language. Or perhaps you came here as a baby. Most young people of your age could not turn out such a great "rough draft." Only two very minor (very minor) points: (1) my father, an Air Force officer, .... (2) seeing my parentS for....I'm also new to this website. I understand you can post this in one of its forums and a very knowledgeable voluntee
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I have sworn literally hundreds of people into the service. Not once was there a Bible. Did you really have a Bible? Which MEPS was THAT at?
Seeing my parents. Pride in my parents' eyes.
Don't capitalize nuclear training or submarine, and spell out three and six.
Don't talk about your failures. Bad thing to include in a letter like this. Say instead someth
Seeing my parents. Pride in my parents' eyes.
Don't capitalize nuclear training or submarine, and spell out three and six.
Don't talk about your failures. Bad thing to include in a letter like this. Say instead someth
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