Types of communication ~ Please help me to improve the essay! Many thanks!

Question

In the modern world, the image (photograph or film) is becoming a more powerful way of communicating than the written word. To what extent do you agree or disagree?With expanding the association between nations and the development of technology, methods of communication have been recently concerned. While there is a school of thought that the image like photograph or film has a more significant position on socializing than the written word in the modern age, I completely agree with this opinion.Without any doubt, the image, used not only in traditional books but also in the media such as photographs or film, is more and more popular nowadays. Thanks to the advancement of science-technology, the image with convenience and availability has advantages rather than the written word. When it comes to written documents, people would be upset because of their length and confusion. If the sentences or paragraphs are illustrated with some pictures or sounds, people would easily catch up with the story’s plot. By socializing with vivid support of photography and short film, people would not misunderstand the original aim of the communication.Additionally, the image coming from photographs or film can reach the effectiveness of emotional expression which the written one is not able to do the same. Little does the long-written documentary convey the subtle emotional vibrations of humans when a moment has just passed. Although the written word is regarded as a better official method to build up the human’s imagination and character, it is also said that the written one cannot be an all-in-one method. As a result, the image can win and play a crucial role in human communication that can help people capture and transfer a moment in life. Therefore, there is no reason for becoming a powerful way of socializing.In conclusion, I believe that communication by the written word between humans is regularly replaced by the image one such as photographs and film. The conscious steps of science-technology, however, have improved human life, people can expect what is coming in later life.

Loan Tran · Accepted Answer

In the modern world, the image (photograph or film) is becoming a more powerful way of communicating than the written word. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With expanding the association between nations and the development of technology, methods of communication have been recently concerned. While there is a school of thought that the image like photograph or film has a more significant position on socializing than the written word in the modern age, I completely agree with this opinion.

Without any doubt, the image, used not only in traditional books but also in the media such as photographs or film, is more and more popular nowadays. Thanks to the advancement of science-technology, the image with convenience and availability has advantages rather than the written word. When it comes to written documents, people would be upset because of their length and confusion. If the sentences or paragraphs are illustrated with some pictures or sounds, people would easily catch up with the story’s plot. By socializing with vivid support of photography and short film, people would not misunderstand the original aim of the communication.

Additionally, the image coming from photographs or film can reach the effectiveness of emotional expression which the written one is not able to do the same. Little does the long-written documentary convey the subtle emotional vibrations of humans when a moment has just passed. Although the written word is regarded as a better official method to build up the human’s imagination and character, it is also said that the written one cannot be an all-in-one method. As a result, the image can win and play a crucial role in human communication that can help people capture and transfer a moment in life. Therefore, there is no reason for becoming a powerful way of socializing.

In conclusion, I believe that communication by the written word between humans is regularly replaced by the image one such as photographs and film. The conscious steps of science-technology, however, have improved human life, people can expect what is coming in later life.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

With expanding the association between nations (I do not understand. Why are you writing about diplomatic relations when the topic is film? ) and the development of technology, (Humans have been developing technology for a couple of million years. This phrase is rather meaningless.) methods of communication have been recently concerned. (That makes no sense.) While there is a school of thought that the image like photograph or film has a more significant position on socializing (That makes no sense. The topic is not about socializing, but the power of communication.) than the written word in the modern age, I completely agree with this opinion.

You attempted to do "paraphrasing" to make the first sentence. It was not a good result.

First, there is no mention of paraphrasing in the scoring criteria for IELTS essays. You are not being graded on the ability to paraphrase. Many students try this and the result is unnatural and awkward.

You are being graded on understanding the question and staying on topic, using a coherent and cohesive set of arguments. Using a range of vocabulary and grammatical sentence structures gives a higher score.

In the first sentence, do not focus on "how can I paraphrase the different phrases in the instructions."

Instead, demonstrate to the examiner that you understand the task.

Also, focus on the topic. A lot of your writing is off-topic.

The question is:

Are images more powerful that writing in communications? Is this a recent development, or has it been around for a very long time?

See the images below.

Without any doubt, the image, used not only in traditional books but also in ~~the media such as~~ photographs or film, is more and more popular (The topic is not popularity.) nowadays. Thanks to the advancement of science-technology, (That is too vague. Be specific about what you mean. Is it color film, high-speed cameras, the flash bulb, or what?) the image with convenience and availability has advantages (That is not the topic. The topic is not advantages of photography.) rather than the written word. When it comes to written documents, people would be upset because of their length and confusion. If the sentences or paragraphs are illustrated with some pictures or sounds, people would easily catch up with the story’s plot. By socializing with vivid support of photography and short film, people would not misunderstand the original aim of the communication.

Additionally, the image coming from photographs or film can reach the effectiveness of emotional expression which the written one is not able to do the same. Little does the long-written documentary convey the subtle emotional vibrations (Ungrammatical) of humans (unnatural) when a moment has just passed. Although the written word is regarded as a better official method to build up the human’s imagination and character, it is also said that the written one cannot be an all-in-one method. As a result, the image can win and play a crucial role in human communication that can help people capture and transfer a moment in life. Therefore, there is no reason for becoming a powerful way of socializing. (Off-topic)

In conclusion, I believe that communication by the written word between humans (Native speakers use the noun "human" only when comparing to other life forms. ) is regularly replaced by the image one such as photographs and film. (That is off-topic) The conscious steps of science-technology, however, have improved human life, people can expect what is coming in later life.

Technology:

Egyptian Book of the Dead - 3400 years ago. Text and images.

Types of communication ~ Please help me to improve the essay! Many thanks!

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