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Roger Cups Posted 14 years ago
Grammar
Two poorly formatted sentences.
I'm failing miserably to produce two short sentences that properly convey my message. I would be greatly appreciative If you could please aid me in revising/rewriting this message. I feel the second sentence becomes unbearably choppy once it encounters its second comma.
How I would prefer it to be rewritten:
- In as FEW words as possible. In almost every scenario I would prefer that this message be as few words as possible. It does not need to be elaborate. The sentence needs to simply convey the given information as quickly as possible and nothing else.
Thanks you again!
"The winner of the TLA computer giveaway will be selected on April 3rd. If the contest winner has already purchased a computer from Rover PC , we are not only going to send you the TLA computer, but we are going to give you a full refund for your last purchase.
How I would prefer it to be rewritten:
- In as FEW words as possible. In almost every scenario I would prefer that this message be as few words as possible. It does not need to be elaborate. The sentence needs to simply convey the given information as quickly as possible and nothing else.
Thanks you again!
"The winner of the TLA computer giveaway will be selected on April 3rd. If the contest winner has already purchased a computer from Rover PC , we are not only going to send you the TLA computer, but we are going to give you a full refund for your last purchase.
Top answer
Hello, Roger. Welcome to EF. The winner of the TLA computer giveaway will be selected on April 3rd.
- Hello, Roger.
- Welcome to EF.
- The winner of the TLA computer giveaway will be selected on April 3rd.
- If the winner has already purchased a Rover PC, s/he will receive a full refund for the purchase instead.
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3 Answers
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Hello, Roger. Welcome to EF.
The winner of the TLA computer giveaway will be selected on April 3rd. If the winner has already purchased a Rover PC, s/he will receive a full refund for the purchase instead.
The winner of the TLA computer giveaway will be selected on April 3rd. If the winner has already purchased a Rover PC, s/he will receive a full refund for the purchase instead.
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we are not only going to send you the TLA computer, but we are going to give you a full refund for your last purchase.
we are not only going to send you the TLA computer, but we are going to give you a full refund for your last purchase.Mister MicawberIf the winner has already purchased a Rover PC, s/he will receive a full refund for the p
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