Trying to shorten a long sentence

Question

I believe the following sentence can be shortened, but I'm not confident that I know how to do so correctly:

Did you know that the percentage of San Francisco that's covered in trees is smaller than the percentage of Berkeley, Oakland, or San Jose that's covered in trees?

I'm not sure this shorter version is correct or clear:

Did you know that the percentage of San Francisco that's covered in trees is smaller than that of Berkeley, Oakland or San Jose?

And I'm really not sure about this version:

Did you know that a smaller percentage of San Francisco is covered in trees than of Berkeley, Oakland, or San Jose?

Please help! Thanks.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Don't play around uselessly. Just use this:

Did you know that San Francisco has fewer trees than Berkeley, Oakland, or San Jose?

Benccc · Answer

Mister MicawberDon't play around uselessly. Just use this:Did you know that San Francisco has fewer trees than Berkeley, Oakland, or San Jose?

Mister Micawber, the sentence you suggest would be grammatically correct, but factually incorrect. San Francisco, which has more than four times the land area as Berkeley, has more trees. But a greater percentage of land is covered by trees in Berkeley (and Oakland, and San Jose). I hope that clarifies the help I need.

Sandy Ho · Answer

I try one. Please correct me if I got wrong.
Did you know that San Francisco has lower green coverage rate than Berkeley, Oakland, or San Jose?

Mister Micawber · Answer

Ah, I see, benccc. Then:

Did you know that San Francisco has fewer trees per acre/hectare/km_² than Berkeley, Oakland, or San Jose?

Benccc · Answer

Mister Micawber, that certainly seems like a clearer sentence than the ones I wrote. However there is yet another complicating factor, which is that San Francisco doesn't necessarily have fewer trees per square acre/hectare/km; San Francisco's trees happen to be relatively small because a high percentage of them are young and/or belong to a small species. Therefore San Francisco's "canopy coverage" -- the term used by foresters to describe the amount of land area covered by trees -- is smaller than that of the other cities mentioned. I don't think lay readers are familiar with the term "canopy coverage," which is why I didn't use it in my draft copy.

So... perhaps the following sentence should be recast for the sake of clarity or pleasantness, but I'm curious to know whether it is grammatically correct:

Did you know that a smaller percentage of San Francisco is covered in trees than of Berkeley, Oakland, or San Jose?

Trying to shorten a long sentence

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