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0The other day John stayed in bed listening to music because the weather man said it was 20 degree, but he felt like 10 degree in Celsius. He heard the wind was howling and rattled the windows. He snuggled to/with Judy. The music reminded of him with Jane. He so absorbed into his thought that he used to date with Jane. He was getting sad as he was thinking about it. Then he turned off the music. He was wondering where Jane was. She disappeared when they broke up.  The relationship left in bitter. It was because there was no trust between them.02br02br00Are they correct?02br02br00Thank you0-

Marvin A. · Accepted Answer

0 John stayed in bed listening to the radio. The weatherman on the radio had said that it was 20 degrees outside, but to John, it felt more like 10. He could hear the wind howling, beating against the window, sounding the wind chimes that he had just installed right outside the front door. He snuggled up closer to Judy. The song on the radio reminded him of the times he had spent with Jane, his old girlfriend. For some reason, every time he heard a violin piece by Mozart, he couldn't stop thinking about Jane. Mozart was Jane's favourite composer. Jane was a violinist for the local symphony orchestra. Thinking about Jane made him meloncholy. He wondered where Jane was. They hadn't seen each other since they had broken up. He was still bitter from the shock of leaving his beloved. Jane had told him that their relationship was not founded on mutual trust-01del~~00and that they had different musical tastes. John could never stand Mozart, along with all the rest of the composers of the Classical period. He preferred Baroque music02del~~00-Bach and Vivaldi in particular. He abruptly turned off the music, got out of bed and began pacing. Judy asked "What's the matter? Are you still thinking about Jane?" He said, "yes." She said, "Would you just get over her already? I love you." John climbed back into the four poster bed and kissed Judy on the forehead. When the storm finally passed, and the mercury soared into the 30s, John told Judy that he'd like to take her on a romantic drive in the country. She was delighted. They went on a nice long drive. When they returned home, Judy had made John a nice cheese sandwich. John said, "Cheese sandwiches? My favourite!" He hungrily devoured the sandwich, and washed it down with fresh squeezed orange juice, freshly picked from the orange trees in the back yard. After lunch, they went for a walk in the park. They took a nice long walk. John said, "I have something I must tell you." Judy said, "Get down on your knees, John." John complied, and proposed to her right there on the spot. She acquiesed immediately. John decided to leave the details of the wedding preperation to Judy and her mother, Judith Kleinschmidtstern, with one caveat--that there would be no Mozart. Judy laughed and said, "No Mozart. Well then how about Chopin?" "No, no," replied John, "I'll have none of that. Chopin always grates on my nerves, and is hardly appropriate for wedding music." "Whatever you say, John. Anything for you."02br
00End of Chapter I.02br
00Chapter II - Future Mother-in-law comes a-visiting. 0-

BW2/3 · Answer

0 01blockquote

01cite10Marvin A.12cite10John stayed in bed listening to the radio. The weatherman on the radio had said that it was 20 degrees outside, but to John, 11font10HE12font10 felt more like 10. He could hear the wind howling, beating against the window, sounding the wind chimes that he had just installed right outside the front door. He snuggled up closer to Judy. The song on the radio reminded him of the times he had spent with Jane, his11font10 EX-12font10 girlfriend. For some reason, every time he heard a violin piece by Mozart, he couldn't stop thinking about Jane. Mozart was Jane's favourite composer. Jane was a violinist for the local symphony orchestra. Thinking about Jane made him meloncholy. He wondered where Jane was. They hadn't seen each other since they 11font10BROKE 12font10up. He was still bitter from the shock of leaving his beloved. Jane had told him that their relationship was not11font10 built12font10 on mutual trust-11del~~10and that they had different musical tastes. John could never stand Mozart, along with all the rest of the composers of the Classical period. He preferred Baroque music12del~~10-Bach and Vivaldi in particular. He abruptly turned off the music, got out of bed and began pacing. Judy asked "What's the matter? Are you still thinking about Jane?" He said, "yes." She said, "Would you just get over her ? I love you." John climbed back into the four poster bed and kissed Judy on the forehead. When the storm finally passed, and the 11font10TEMPERTURE12font10 soared into the 30s, John told Judy that he'd like to take her on a romantic drive in the country. She was delighted. They went on a nice, long drive. When they returned home, Judy had made John a nice cheese sandwich. John said, "Cheese sandwiches? My favourite!" He hungrily devoured the sandwich, and washed it down with fresh squeezed orange juice, 11font10which was made12font10 from the orange trees in the back yard. After lunch, they went for a walk in the park. They took a nice, long walk. John said, "I have something I must tell you." Judy said, "Get down on your knees, John." John complied and proposed to her right there. She 11font10said yes12font10 immediately. John decided to leave the details of the wedding preperation to Judy and her mother. 11font10Judy Kleinschmidtstern, with one caveat--that there would be no Mozart?.12font10 Judy laughed and said, "No Mozart. Well, then how about Chopin?" "No, no," replied John, "I'll have none of that. Chopin always grates on my nerves and is hardly appropriate for wedding music." "Whatever you say, John. Anything for you." End of Chapter I. Chapter II - Future Mother-in-law comes a-visiting.12blockquote

10 0-

BarbaraPA · Answer

0The other day John stayed in bed listening to music because the weather man said it was 20 degree01b00s02b00, but 01b00it 02b00felt like 10 degree01b00s02b01del~~00 in 02del~~00Celsius. He heard the wind 01del~~00was 02del~~00howling and rattl01b00ing02b00 the windows. He snuggled 01b00with 02b00Judy. The music reminded of him with Jane. He 01b00became 02b01del~~00so 02del~~00absorbed 01b00with 02b00his thoughts 01b00of when he used 02b00to date 01del~~00with 02del~~00Jane. He 01b00got 02b00sad as he 01b00thought02b00 about it. Then he turned off the music. He 01b00wondered 02b00where Jane was. She disappeared 01b00after02b00 they broke up. The relationship left 01b00him 02b00bitter 01del~~00. It was 02del~~00because there was no trust between them.02br
02br
00BW, did you want a proofreader, or a co-author? If you want a proofreader, see above.02br
02br
00IT felts like 10 degrees - it's cold, it's hot, it feels like 10 degrees. Not "he."02br
02br
00Keep your tenses consistent. You switched back and forth with past progressing and simple past.02br
02br
00You can start trying to combine some of these simple sentences with conjunctions and it will flow a little more smoothly. Very short sentences make your writing look choppy.0-

BW2/3 · Answer

0Thank you very much GG for your proofreading and your comments. 0-

BW2/3 · Answer

0GG, 02br
02br
00Why can not I use the progressive tenses in the above?02br
02br
00Thank you 0-

BarbaraPA · Answer

0You should just be more consistent with your tenses. I guess you can write it ALL in the progressive, but that eventually becomes a little tiring for both the writer and the reader.02br
02br
00It's a good tense to use when TELLING the story (outloud) because you can "put" the listener in the action, but not the best choice for an extended written narrative. 0-

Marvin A. · Answer

0 Chapter 2 is almost finished. 0-

BarbaraPA · Answer

0I am agog with anticipation.0-

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