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Moguwai007 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

tourist bus

For a catchy expression of a tourist bus, which will be used on a brochure.
Do you find the following sentence natural?
Enjoy old Tokyo on the bus running in a loop around central Tokyo.
  

Top answer

It's OK, but stylistically I find the repetition of "Tokyo" just slightly undesirable. It seems to leave the sentence falling away in an anticlimax. " I also changed "on" to "from", which I think sounds slightly better.

— GPY

  • It's OK, but stylistically I find the repetition of "Tokyo" just slightly undesirable.
  • It seems to leave the sentence falling away in an anticlimax.
  • " I also changed "on" to "from", which I think sounds slightly better.
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16 Answers
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It's OK, but stylistically I find the repetition of "Tokyo" just slightly undesirable. It seems to leave the sentence falling away in an anticlimax. Maybe this:

"Enjoy old Tokyo from the bus running in a loop around the centre of the city."

I also changed "on" to "from", which I think sounds slightly better.
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Also, the choice of wording will be sensitive to the context. Your sentence mentions the bus in a passing way. If the bus is the main topic, you would probably say something different, such as:

"Enjoy old Tokyo from this special tourist bus, which runs in a loop around the centre of the city."

It is hard to judge without seeing all the context.
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I agree with GPY and offer this alternative as well -
"Enjoy old Tokyo from our tour bus which runs in a loop throughout the center of the city."
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moguwai007Enjoy old Tokyo on the bus running in a loop around central Tokyo.
How about: We invite you to get on-board the Loop Bus and enjoy the sight and sound while you discover the historic central Tokyo.
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grammarfreakHow about: We invite you to get on-board the Loop Bus and enjoy the sight and sound while you discover the historic central Tokyo.
There are one or two problems with this.
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GPY grammarfreakHow about: We invite you to get on-board the Loop Bus and enjoy the sight and sound while you discover the historic central Tokyo.There are one or two problems with this.
Well, please point them out so we can discuss. I went over it several times, and I really don't find anything grammatically wrong.
Perhaps I'd try rephrasing it this way
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grammarfreakWell, please point them out so we can discuss.
It's only a couple of small things.

"on-board" should be "on board"
"sights and sounds" is the usual expression for this kind of context
The use of the article in "discover the historic central Tokyo" doesn't feel right to me

As you say, "Loop Bus" is a proper na
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GPYThe use of the article in "discover the historic central Tokyo" doesn't feel right to me
Really! Then they must be wrong:

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grammarfreakReally! Then they must be wrong:Discover the Historic Mississippi River and Its Tributaries Aboard ...
No, that's correct. The article goes with "Mississippi River" ("the Mississippi River"). In contrast, "the central Tokyo" is not correct. That is the difference.
grammarfreakWith or without the hyphen " On-board " -acc
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GPYgrammarfreakReally! Then they must be wrong:Discover the Historic Mississippi River and Its Tributaries Aboard ...No, that's correct. The article goes with "Mississippi River" ("the Mississippi River"). In contrast, "the central Tokyo" is not correct. That is the difference.
Well then how do you explain this one ?

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