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Contiluo Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Topic 71
Please have a look at the following TOEFL essays which I've written. I would appreciate it if you could provide comments and suggestions to help me improve my essay writing skills.
(Which would you choose a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.)
Upon to the question that which is better, high-paying job or low-paying job, we have different opinion about it. Low-paying job has its advantages, but at the meantime, it has many disadvantages either. As far as I concerned, I would prefer to high-salary job rather than low-salary job. There are three reasons supporting my view.
With the reference to caring about my money, high-paying job would be the best choice for me because my budget is too tight. Take my experience as an illustration. I pay rentals of room, electric bills and daily supplies every month, which are heavy financial burden. If I cannot acquire any higher-salary work, I will be mired in financial predicament. Clearly, between my budget and salary, financial issue force me to choose upper wages enabling me to pay my daily needs.
A more personal reason why I would like to choose high-paying job is that my families are busy. They seldom stay at home and always go abroad for business. Therefore, I have little free time getting along with my parents. Even though shorter- hour job provides spare time for me, I could not meet them at home. As a consequence, I would select long-hour job to pass the time.
Last but not least, even if my friends and I manage schedule and find a leisure time to spend together, under insufficient money supply, there is no fun among us. Any meetings, parties costs a fortune. If we have no money to spend for our gathering, we only sit over on the chair and chat boring. Only when we earn enough money can we choice what we want to play. For instance, we can frequently arrange abroad travel schedule, depositing enough money in a bank if working at high-paying job. However, low-paying job would not provide this benefit like the benefit from high-salary job.
All in all, personal budget, free time with parents and money supply influence my mind to determine which option is suitable for me. Obviously, high-wage jobs is the better choice for me.
(Which would you choose a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.)
Upon to the question that which is better, high-paying job or low-paying job, we have different opinion about it. Low-paying job has its advantages, but at the meantime, it has many disadvantages either. As far as I concerned, I would prefer to high-salary job rather than low-salary job. There are three reasons supporting my view.
With the reference to caring about my money, high-paying job would be the best choice for me because my budget is too tight. Take my experience as an illustration. I pay rentals of room, electric bills and daily supplies every month, which are heavy financial burden. If I cannot acquire any higher-salary work, I will be mired in financial predicament. Clearly, between my budget and salary, financial issue force me to choose upper wages enabling me to pay my daily needs.
A more personal reason why I would like to choose high-paying job is that my families are busy. They seldom stay at home and always go abroad for business. Therefore, I have little free time getting along with my parents. Even though shorter- hour job provides spare time for me, I could not meet them at home. As a consequence, I would select long-hour job to pass the time.
Last but not least, even if my friends and I manage schedule and find a leisure time to spend together, under insufficient money supply, there is no fun among us. Any meetings, parties costs a fortune. If we have no money to spend for our gathering, we only sit over on the chair and chat boring. Only when we earn enough money can we choice what we want to play. For instance, we can frequently arrange abroad travel schedule, depositing enough money in a bank if working at high-paying job. However, low-paying job would not provide this benefit like the benefit from high-salary job.
All in all, personal budget, free time with parents and money supply influence my mind to determine which option is suitable for me. Obviously, high-wage jobs is the better choice for me.
Top answer
This is my opinion about the first paragraph of your writing. contiluo (Which would you choose : a high-paying job with a long hours time of working that would give you little time for being with family and friends or a lower-paying job with a shorter hours time of working that would give you more time for being with family and friends? ) An hour is a specific period of time, 60 minutes.
- This is my opinion about the first paragraph of your writing.
- contiluo (Which would you choose : a high-paying job with a long hours time of working that would give you little time for being with family and friends or a lower-paying job with a shorter hours time of working that would give you more time for being with family and friends?
- ) An hour is a specific period of time, 60 minutes.
- We don't have long or short hours in my opinion.
- "For being" is fine for completing the meaning.
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4 Answers
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This is my opinion about the first paragraph of your writing.
contiluo(Which would you choose: a high-paying job with a longhourstime of working that would give you little time for being with family and friends or a lower-paying job with a shorterhourstime of working that would give you more time for bei
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KhoshtipManWe don't have long or short hours in my opinion.Long hours and shorter hours are standard phrases that refer to the number of hours worked, not the length of the hours themselves. The original phrasing is more idiomatic than the proposed replacement.
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