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Oliver01 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Too wordy- how to break it up into piecec

Based on these stereotypical behaviors, society, including employers, is inclined to reject people with mental illnesses even if they are more than competent for a position.

Is it ok to say

Based on these stereotypical behaviors, society, including employers, is inclined to reject people with mental illnesses. This is so, even if they are more than competent for a position.
  

Top answer

Oliver01 Is it ok to say Yes, but I see nothing too wordy about the original. The awkwardness is in "society, including employers, is", and 'based on' could be considered to be dangling. I do not see clearly what is based on whose behaviors.

— Mister Micawber

  • Oliver01 Is it ok to say Yes, but I see nothing too wordy about the original.
  • The awkwardness is in "society, including employers, is", and 'based on' could be considered to be dangling.
  • I do not see clearly what is based on whose behaviors.
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7 Answers
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Oliver01Is it ok to say
Yes, but I see nothing too wordy about the original. The awkwardness is in "society, including employers, is", and 'based on' could be considered to be dangling. I do not see clearly what is based on whose behaviors.
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Yeh too many commas too. Any suggestion in regards to changing it
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Yes I said, I do not see clearly what is based on whose behaviors. You will have to explain more before I can revise it.
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Oh I see. So, I was trying to say: people with mental illness have a hard time applying for jobs. This is so, due to prejudice against people with mental disorders.
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Oliver01 I was trying to say: people with mental illness have a hard time applying for jobs. This is so, due to prejudice against people with mental disorders.
I know that. What I don't know is who has stereotypical behaviors and who is basing something on them:

Based on these stereotypical behaviors (??), society, including employers
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Oh basically people with mental illness are associated with antisocial behaviour and violence. That's what media wants people to think though so ..
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Because of these behavioral stereotypes, employers in our society are inclined to reject people with mental illnesses even if they are more than competent for a position.
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