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Sailsofoblivion Posted 11 years ago
Vocabulary
Too much repetition?
Is it too repetitive to say "appealed to me" twice in two paragraphs? Or is it unlikely to be noticed by readers?
The way that music was written also immediately appealed to me: the treble clefs at the beginning of each line, and the quavers which floated up and down the page were beautiful. At the age of twelve, I genuinely believed that I could do anything that I put my mind to (if I persevered), and when I saw others my age playing exceptionally well with instruments that I couldn’t even name, I wanted to become a part of it, and blend in.
It was September 2005, and after expressing my interest to a teacher, I found myself auditioning for the French horn. On reflection, I believe that it was the French horn’s appearance that appealed to me the most: it was grand, the horn’s tubing and bell were attractive, and I also liked the sound that it made – stringed instruments always sounded too squeaky for my liking.
The way that music was written also immediately appealed to me: the treble clefs at the beginning of each line, and the quavers which floated up and down the page were beautiful. At the age of twelve, I genuinely believed that I could do anything that I put my mind to (if I persevered), and when I saw others my age playing exceptionally well with instruments that I couldn’t even name, I wanted to become a part of it, and blend in.
It was September 2005, and after expressing my interest to a teacher, I found myself auditioning for the French horn. On reflection, I believe that it was the French horn’s appearance that appealed to me the most: it was grand, the horn’s tubing and bell were attractive, and I also liked the sound that it made – stringed instruments always sounded too squeaky for my liking.
Top answer
It reads fine to me. the French horn's appearance appealed to me the most".
- It reads fine to me.
- the French horn's appearance appealed to me the most".
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4 Answers
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It reads fine to me. They are reasonably well separated, and if the reader notices them they may think it intentional: "Music appealed to me....the French horn's appearance appealed to me the most".
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If it bothers you, you can say it this way:
I believe that it was the appearance of the French horn that intrigued me the most: ...
I believe that it was the appearance of the French horn that intrigued me the most: ...
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AlpheccaStarsIf it bothers you, you can say it this way:I believe that it was the appearance of the French horn that intrigued me the most: ...I think that's a good solution! Do you think it works better than saying:
It was September 2005, and after expressing my interest to a teacher, I found myself auditioning for the French horn. On reflection, I
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sailsofoblivionI think that's a good solution! Do you think it works better than saying:I firmly believe that people should express themselves in the way that they feel. We can comment on the grammar, naturalness, or other aspects, but the thoughts are your own. Yours are just fine!
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