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Mister Twister Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

toefl writing

One body paragraph from my essay. Please check it. I know it's silly but anyway I want to know my mistakes.

The main reason is that technologies provide us a lot of opportunities to spend our leisure more fascinating. Surfing The Internet, watching television, listening to music by using an mp3-player or even mobile phone, playing computer games, all of this entertainment make our life wonderful and extremely pleasant. For example, I remember times when I was around 15 years old and I didn’t have a personal computer, my life was boring, I only attended school and did my homework, read a lot of books, played volleyball and soccer with other teenagers outdoors. Accordingly, every single day was the same for me, I was tired of being bored and wanted to change something in my tedious life. As a result of cheerless way of spending time, my parents decided that I need a personal computer. It had a great influence on me, because I’ve found a tons of new friends locally; I was playing different computer games with them. Moreover, I started to communicate with people from other countries via Skype, and thus, I improved my speaking and writing skills in a foreign languages. Furthermore, I have found a girlfriend from Australia and now we are happily married. As you can see, all these activities has made my spare time better.
  

Top answer

The main reason is that technologies provide us a lot of opportunities to spend our leisure more fascinating. Surfing T he Internet, watching television, listening to music by using an mp3-player or even a mobile phone, playing computer game s, all of this entertainment make our life wonderful and extremely pleasant. For example, I remember times when I was around 15 years old and I didn’t have a personal compute r, my life was boring, I only attended school and did my homework, read a lot of books, and played volleyball and soccer with other teenagers outdoors.

  • The main reason is that technologies provide us a lot of opportunities to spend our leisure more fascinating.
  • Surfing T he Internet, watching television, listening to music by using an mp3-player or even a mobile phone, playing computer game s, all of this entertainment make our life wonderful and extremely pleasant.
  • For example, I remember times when I was around 15 years old and I didn’t have a personal compute r, my life was boring, I only attended school and did my homework, read a lot of books, and played volleyball and soccer with other teenagers outdoors.
  • Accordingly, every single day was the same for m e, I was tired of being bored and wanted to change something in my tedious life.
  • As a result of the cheerless way of spending time, my parents decided that I need a personal computer.
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The main reason is that technologies provide us a lot of opportunities to spend our leisure more fascinating. Surfing The Internet, watching television, listening to music by using an mp3-player or even a mobile phone, playing computer games, all of th

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