TOEFL essay. Could someone revise my essay?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Commercials are companies main weapon. Their stock market and their reputation could rise or fall depending on several aspects. One of these aspects is advertising. Televisions are one of the biggest media tools that give companies the opportunity to give people a peek on their products using advertisement, which, depending on the company, target many people of different ages. Kids, from age two to five, are targeted by them as well. However, the question arises therefore whether these commercials are advantageous to these kids or no. Yes, companies would mostly gain from them easily since their target audience are a bunch of innocent and naive creatures who know nothing about life but the need to satisfy themselves. I see no real benefits for these children for many reasons.
First, kids at this age are particularly susceptible to believe and be affected by anything and everything. Some companies use smart and strategic marketing techniques to brainwash these kids minds. For example, they use vibrant colors and lively music in their commercials to draw the attention of their audience. This technique not only lure these kids out, but it also has some serious and harmful effects on their eyes. The parents sometimes don't pay much attention to their kids and would leave the television on for hours without setting a time limit for them. As a result, children might even get close to the TV and watch continuously without blinking, thus, damaging their eyes.
Second, the negative financial effects on the parents. A lot of parents are immersed in their jobs that they wouldn't spare some time to discipline their kids properly, so they would take the shortest route to silence them, and then return to continue their works peacefully. For example, if the kids watched a TV commercial about toys or food, they would annoy their parents to buy them these products immediately otherwise they would cry and throw tantrum at them, thus, forcing the busy parents to give up eventually and pay for unnecessary and expensive stuff for the sake of their children only to quite them down, which would result in disrupting the overall family's budget.
Concluding, TV advertisements targeted at young kids, particularly at the age of two to five, are disadvantages for them. these not only have negative effects on the kids physically, but they also can cause financial instabilities for their parents. Therefore, I fully agree that advertising should not be allowed for them.