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Tamguatlay Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Today, on this auspicious occasion of such a splendid and solemn Inauguration Ceremony
On behalf of the Overseas Department, I would like to extend my sincere congratulations to all of you today, on this auspicious occasion of such a splendid and solemn Inauguration Ceremony for the installation of Reverend Ishikawa as the new Chief Priest of XYZ Temple.
I think the part is bold is too wordy. I have rephrased as follows. I wonder whether it is a better version. If it isn't, please help me reword it. Thanks.
On behalf of the Overseas Department, I would like to extend my sincere congratulations to all of you today, on such a splendid and solemn Inauguration Ceremony for the installation of Reverend Ishikawa as the new Chief Priest of XYZ Temple.
I think the part is bold is too wordy. I have rephrased as follows. I wonder whether it is a better version. If it isn't, please help me reword it. Thanks.
On behalf of the Overseas Department, I would like to extend my sincere congratulations to all of you today, on such a splendid and solemn Inauguration Ceremony for the installation of Reverend Ishikawa as the new Chief Priest of XYZ Temple.
Top answer
I like your rewording, you can always save 'auspicious' for another sentence later:) However, if the text is used for a speech, you could keep the original version and it would sound fine depending on how you say it (how you deliver it)! Having said that, I think your instincts are right and the original version could be a bit long (or wordy) and the new version sounds good - so I'm voting for option two:) Hope that helps.
- I like your rewording, you can always save 'auspicious' for another sentence later:) However, if the text is used for a speech, you could keep the original version and it would sound fine depending on how you say it (how you deliver it)!
- Having said that, I think your instincts are right and the original version could be a bit long (or wordy) and the new version sounds good - so I'm voting for option two:) Hope that helps.
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1 Answers
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I like your rewording, you can always save 'auspicious' for another sentence later:)
However, if the text is used for a speech, you could keep the original version and it would sound fine depending on how you say it (how you deliver it)!
Having said that, I think your instincts are ri
However, if the text is used for a speech, you could keep the original version and it would sound fine depending on how you say it (how you deliver it)!
Having said that, I think your instincts are ri
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