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Question

Should I change my whole paper or what should I do because I really need to pass.

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Hi daniel5,

I don't know much about you. I don't know what grade you are in, or what your native language is, what country you are from, what tools (MS Word?) you have, or what is expected of you.

If the expectations are that you will write a 1 to 2 page essay at a high school or first year university level paper, then I would simply start over. It would be much easier than trying to fix what you have now.

If you are about to embark on a fresh start, here's what I would do if I were you.

1) Create an outline.

2) Use MS Word or other word processing application to catch your typos

3) Be special attention to your verb and noun agreements

As far as the outine is concerned, I would be inclined not to try and tell a story, as you have done, but rather explain to the reader about high blood pressure.

1) Why I am writing this essay.

Because my mother is afflicted with the high blood pressure, also known as the silent killer, I decided to learn more about this ugly and deadly disease.

2) Quick History

When was it discovered, by whom, and how? The 5 Ws, who what where when and why.

3) Key symptoms

What are they? You can talk about how your mother was "caught" with high blood pressure.

4) What are the causes and effects of high blood pressure.

Again, you can relate any your mother's stuff in here.

I would tend NOT to write....

She said, 'blah blah blah blah' and the doctor said, 'blah blah blah.'

Instead, my mother was diagnosed with high blood pressure during her second pregnancy. Acording the dodctor/mother, she was in hospital for a period for about 2 weeks where ..... So you are giving the same information but we are not burdened by the He said/she said stuff. If her quote is really important, then quote her. Otherwise, just use the information to educate your reader.

5) What can be done to prevent getting high blood pressure? What must be done to avoid the effects once you have high blood pressure?

6) Now that you have you have a family history of high blood pressure, how has your research affected the way you live your life.

The End. (don't include "the end")

There, I have given you a rough outline. To further help yourself, make a bunch of bullet points under each main topic about things you want to say. Once you have a bunch of point for each topic, then begin to organize them into paragaraphs. And finally, write the pargaraphs.

One word of warning: Do not use big words without explaining them, such as pheochromocytoma. What the heck is that? It doesn't look good whatever it is, but what is it? If the reader doesn't understand it, they won't enjoy reading it. It is as though you are with your friends and they are all whispering to each other but won't tell you what they are saying. Same thing. The author has said something, maybe important, but won't share that knowledge with the reader.

Now you are probably thinking that this is going to take forever. Well, if you have done your homework and understand your topic, this should take you less than a day. If it were me and I had done the homework and understood the material, it would take me 2-3 hours.

So I hope that helps get you on the path of success.

MountainHiker

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