To leave a world

Question

A bag packed with emotionsI travelled the distanceI could not see tomorrowyesterday was only clear.Mountains and seasTried to stop me in my wayI climbedI swamI lived only on hope.TodayTomorrow is before mea day to rememberI will not perishI will not give inI will never surrender.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Pretty good, Sirah - and welcome to English Forums. I have made a few suggestions in bold:

My bag packed with emotions,

I travelled the distance.

I could not see tomorrow,

only yesterday was clear.

Mountains and seas

Tried to stop me on my way.

I climbed,

I swam,

I lived only on hope.

Today tomorrow is before me,

a day to remember.

I will not perish,

I will not give in,

I will never surrender.

Sirah · Answer

We'll have to disagree...

Only yesterday was clear - I can halfway agree with that. But not the rest of it.

Do people write in "poetry" to get corrected. Because that is not at all the reason for writing this.

Mister Micawber · Answer

When you post your original writing in any public place, you are open to criticism.  If you cannot take criticism gracefully, don't post it.  This website is for learners of English looking for correction, so expect to have your English corrected when you come here.  And realize that it needs correction when someone does so.

Sirah · Answer

I didn't mean to sound like I didn't appreciate it. Please don't take it the wrong way.

But I think it is all about how you read this poem, and like I said - I do halfway agree with one of your points.

This was something my father and I wrote when I was a child. And considering he was American, I didn't think it needed correction.

Mister Micawber · Answer

Clarity of punctuation is one of the greatest failings of native speakers.

To leave a world

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