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Mr. Tom Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Through the open window, the sullen William could not only feel the heat
Hi
Could you please see the following lines I have written. Is the register OK? Needless to say, any suggestion is welcome.
Through the open window, the sullen William could not only feel the heat of the day but also see its color. Red. But was it really the color of the heat or his intense emotions? He was simmering and wanted to set everything ablaze. He had tolerated more than nature had enabled him for. Every bit of his self-respect had been trampled. Despite the elegant clothes he that covered his body, William felt totally naked all the time.
Thanks,
Tom
Could you please see the following lines I have written. Is the register OK? Needless to say, any suggestion is welcome.
Through the open window, the sullen William could not only feel the heat of the day but also see its color. Red. But was it really the color of the heat or his intense emotions? He was simmering and wanted to set everything ablaze. He had tolerated more than nature had enabled him for. Every bit of his self-respect had been trampled. Despite the elegant clothes he that covered his body, William felt totally naked all the time.
Thanks,
Tom
Top answer
I've bolded my suggestions: Through the open window, the sullen William could not only feel the heat of the day but also see its color—red. But was it really the color of the heat or was it his intense emotions? He was simmering and wanted to set everything ablaze.
- I've bolded my suggestions: Through the open window, the sullen William could not only feel the heat of the day but also see its color—red.
- But was it really the color of the heat or was it his intense emotions?
- He was simmering and wanted to set everything ablaze.
- He had tolerated more than nature had enabled/capacitated him for .
- His s elf-respect had been trampled upon.
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4 Answers
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I've bolded my suggestions:
Through the open window, the sullen William could not only feel the heat of the day but also see its color—red. But was it really the color of the heat or was it his intense emotions? He was simmering and wanted to set everything ablaze. He had tolerated more than nature had enabled/capacitated him for. His self-respect ha
Through the open window, the sullen William could not only feel the heat of the day but also see its color—red. But was it really the color of the heat or was it his intense emotions? He was simmering and wanted to set everything ablaze. He had tolerated more than nature had enabled/capacitated him for. His self-respect ha
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Thanks a lot, MM.
Talking of register, I want to ask you, MM, if a native speaker (who did not know me) read these lines, would s/he be able to judge that the paragraph has been written by a non-native speaker, especially after I have acted on all your suggestions?
Also, when you say "I don't care for a certain word/phrase", does it mean you don't like it and want it changed?
Talking of register, I want to ask you, MM, if a native speaker (who did not know me) read these lines, would s/he be able to judge that the paragraph has been written by a non-native speaker, especially after I have acted on all your suggestions?
Also, when you say "I don't care for a certain word/phrase", does it mean you don't like it and want it changed?
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Mr. Tomwould s/he be able to judge that the paragraph has been written by a non-native speaker, especially after I have acted on all your suggestions?Probably not with your original—and certainly not if you use my suggestions!
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Mr. Tom when you say "I don't care for a certain word/phrase", does it mean you don't like it and want it changed?It means it doesn't sound the best to me, that is all.
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