Thoughts on "Iron Man" and "Hulk"

I have now seen "Iron Man" and "The Incredible Hulk," both of them in a cinema on wide screen with digital sound. Meh.
On balance I slightly prefer "Hulk," but maybe that's because I prefer Edward Norton to Robert Downey Jr. On the other hand, Gwyneth Paltrow (IM) is streets more attractive than Liv Tyler (H). Of course Pepper Potts (IM) is a more ridiculous name than Betty Ross (H). William Hurt's Gen. Ross (H) was a more believable renegade higher-up than Geoff Bridges' Obadiah Stane (IM), which is also a really stupid name. Hmm. It's close.

How could a weedy little runt like Tim Roth be considered some sort of uber fighting man? Only in Hollywood. On the other hand, Lou Ferrigno still looks dammned good. (Note to self: Must think about pumping iron more often.)
CGI still cannot do mass and momentum. Hulk was bouncing around New York like a Harryhausen model. So were the thrown cars. (Hint: Michael Bay throws them for real. It shows.) And I didn't feel the blows in the monster fights in either IM or H.
If your bullets are bouncing off the Hulk, that's the time to load up with depleted uranium rounds. If there are any left over from invading Iraq. (By the way, have you ever considered that what Iran is really after is DU? They plan to throw the fissionable uranium away, since the world won't let them use it, and use the depleted stuff to make armor-piercing rounds to greet Uncle Sam when he comes calling?)
Those favelas in Rio have got to be one of the world's great locations. The helicopter shots of the buildings sweeping up and over each other from the foothills to the ridge lines were spectacular.
It seems a Hulk/Iron Man smackdown is written in the tea leaves. Be still my beating heart. Not. Why else have Robert Downey appear in his ridiculous Tony Stark facial hair (Iron Man) (a follow-up to his pathetic reporter's facial hair (Zodiac), and his completely over the top tricho-something facial hair in "Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus") What is it with Downey and facial hair? Stop it already! I'm sure Gillette will pay you something to shave it off and keep it off. And didn't Tony Stark renounce violence? Sellout!
Final thought: Why did America invent the superhero? I think it's because Europe has already got the World's Smartest Detective (Sherlock Holmes), and the World's Most Evil Guy (Hitler), and all that was left was a superhero with made-up powers. In other words, the superhero is the result of American penis envy. (See also chrome, fins, the V8, and the daisy-cutter bomb.)

Martin