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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

This sentence is just too long?

Though we all are somewhat blind to Edgar’s deceit, I tell you now with great joy that this man standing beside me is not, for it turns out that like me, he too is wise, and over the weeks and months that time has consumed, it was our conjoined wisdom that had us decipher the cunningness of his plans to have this senate, the effigy of your father, and this very carpet on which we stand dissolved into the ensuing abyss, that we be consumed by the evil praxis of that whose name Edgar knows, yet with his head shackled in this manacle and death in his third eye, he still refuses to share with us the name of this evil.
  

Top answer

Anonymous This sentence is just too long? Yes. It needs serious pruning.

— Mister Micawber

  • Anonymous This sentence is just too long?
  • Yes.
  • It needs serious pruning.
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10 Answers
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AnonymousThis sentence is just too long?
Yes. It needs serious pruning.
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But it is all correct? And pruning would only reduce it to standard English?
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Though we all are somewhat blind to Edgar’s deceit, I tell you now with great joy that this man standing beside me is not, for it turns out that like me, he too is wise, and over the weeks and months that time has consumed, it was our conjoined wisdom that had us decipher the cunningness of his plans to have this senate, the effigy of your father, and this very carpet on which we stand dissolved i
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Taking the last sentence part of the sentence:

...that we be consumed by the evil praxis of that whose name Edgar knows, yet with his head shackled in this manacle and death in his third eye, still he has no intention of sharing it with his majesty.

The he seems to be in inverted position here, but I wonder, is it needed at all? I think it adds to the archaic feel of the
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You are far too consumed with your own verbosity to write well. When I suggest pruning, it is like this:

Though we all are somewhat blind to Edgar’s deceit, this man beside me is not, for like me, he is wise, and over the last months, we have deciphered Edgar's cunning plan to have this senate, the effigy of your father, and this very carpet dissolved into nothingness and ourselves co
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While I can appreciate this sentence, and I am sure that it is better for most people to read, I just do not get as much satisfaction from reading it as I do reading my own.

What do you suggest I do now?
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I do like the bold part of your sentence. I shall use it in constructions of my own.

... we have deciphered Edgar's cunning plan to have this senate, the effigy of your father, and this very carpet dissolved into nothingness and ourselves consumed by the praxis of an evil whose name Edgar knows
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Anonymous, I just do not get as much satisfaction from reading it as I do reading my own.
That will be your central problem throughout your writing career.
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I am by no means a writer (LOL!). I just enjoy archaic language and learning to write in a way that only people like you can understand. It appeases me greatly to think that, while I am writing English, those who think of themselves as being fluent in English, have difficulty figuring out exactly what it is I'm saying. I guess I should not seek support here, as you teachers will try to reduce ever
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Anonymous I just enjoy archaic language and learning to write in a way that only people like you can understand.
Actually, we don't 'understand as such, We just try to pull some meaning out of the non-English you produce. I shall not be making any attempt in future to try this, as you seemed determined to write in a way that no native speaker does or has done
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