this is the first page of my essay, any comments?

Question

thanks

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,

Sure, although 5 pages is a lot. Why don't you post one page, and see if any of the comments give you ideas on changes you can make to the other pages? Then see about posting them a little later.

Best wishes, Clive

ALEXAAA · Answer

thanks! this is the first page of my 5 pages essay, any comments?

DEMOCRACY AND ECONOMIC INEQUALITY IN

The relationship between Democracy and Economic Inequality in is one of the most contested topics in the social sciences. Different scholars and theorists have different understandings on this topic. I believe that economic inequality is inevitable in Democracy and all other forms of society. I support John Mueller on Economic inequality is not so harmful to the society. (Mueller, 51) I come to this belief by comparing the ideas in “Democracy of America” by Alexis de Tocqueville with the ideas in Thomas Dye’s “Who’s running ?-Bush Restoration” and John Mueller’s “Capitalism, Democracy & Ralph’s Pretty Good Grocery.” Mueller and Dye believes that inequality is inevitable in Democracy and all kinds of societies (Dye 3; Mueller 9); while Tocqueville does not agree there is inequality in . He started his wring by appraising the equality of conditions in Democracy in . (Tocqueville 3).

Defining of Democracy

Each of the three great authors defines Democracy differently. Tocqueville appraises the equality of condition in provided by Democracy throughout his book. He thinks Democracy, liberty and equality is what makes so great. Tocqueville believes

Thomas R. Dye believes in our modern, complex society, power is concentrated in large institutions. The position is what gives one his power, and position is from economic resources. He believes in Elitism. Dye believes that any political system including Democracy eventually evolves into an oligarchy. According to Encyclopedia, oligarchy is a form of government where political power effectively rests with a small elite segment of society. Dye defines modern democracy in an elected oligarchy.

John Mueller contends Democracy is the system of necessarily and routinely responsive government. Its government is relatively humane, flexible, efficient and vigorous. In Democracy people agree not to use violence to overthrow the leadership, and the leader let his people enjoy the right to criticize, pressure, organize and dislodge it by other means. (Mueller 139)

Clive · Answer

Hi,

Here are a few comments based on the overall look of your essay.

Don't capitalize words like Economic, Elitism, Democracy, unless they are eg part of a book's title. You have way too many capitals.

An essay does not normally have sub-headings, like 'Defining of Democracy'. Did your teacher tell you to do this?

Now, the text. I've made some corrections and suggestions, so please read carefully. Your writing is good, yet you have a lot of small grammar mistakes.

Please review your other four pages before you post them.

Best wishes, Clive

DEMOCRACY AND ECONOMIC INEQUALITY IN AMERICA

The relationship between Democracy and Economic Inequality in America is one of the most contested topics in the social sciences. Different scholars and theorists have different understandings of this. I believe that economic inequality is inevitable in Democracy and all other forms of society. I support John Mueller in his view that Economic inequality is not very harmful to American society. (Mueller, 51) I come to this belief by comparing the ideas in “Democracy of America” by Alexis de Tocqueville with the ideas in Thomas Dye’s “Who’s running America?-Bush Restoration” and John Mueller’s “Capitalism, Democracy & Ralph’s Pretty Good Grocery.” Mueller and Dye believe that inequality is inevitable in Democracy and in all kinds of societies (Dye 3; Mueller 9), while Tocqueville does not agree that there is inequality in America. He starts his writing by appraising the equality of conditions in Democracy in America. (Tocqueville 3).

Defining Democracy

Each of these three great authors defines Democracy differently. Tocqueville appraises the equality of condition in America provided by Democracy throughout his book. He thinks Democracy, liberty and equality are what make America so great. Tocqueville believes (what???)

Thomas R. Dye believes that in our modern, complex society, power is concentrated in large institutions. Position is what gives power, and position is from economic resources. He believes in Elitism. Dye believes that any political system including Democracy eventually evolves into an oligarchy. Oligarchy is a form of government where political power effectively rests with a small elite segment of society. Dye defines modern democracy in America as an elected oligarchy.

John Mueller contends Democracy is the system of necessarily and routinely responsive government. Its government is relatively humane, flexible, efficient and vigorous. In Democracy, people agree not to use violence to overthrow the leadership, and the leaders let people enjoy the right to criticize, pressure, organize and dislodge them by other means. (Mueller 139)

this is the first page of my essay, any comments?

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