This is my re-written version of the previously posted IELTS task 2 essay. Please have a look at it.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Several manufactured food items and beverages contain an amount of sugar, which leads to many health conditions. Therefore, their costs should be raised to promote less sugar consumption among people. I completely disagree with this view because I think that increasing the prices of sugary products would not benefit the community.

First, this price-raising scheme puts unnecessary pressure on the shopping budget of many households. As the majority of the budget is allocated to buying things such as biscuits or cakes, there would be little money left to spend on other options such as meat, vegetables, or seasonings. As a result, many people would lack essential nutrients such as fiber and vitamins in their daily meals. Such nutritional deprivation may cause them to have less energy to do daytime activities, thereby having a declined productivity. They may also have a weakening immune system to fight diseases and thus fall ill easier.

Second, businesses that specialize in selling sugary products would also suffer. For example, confectionaries are likely to undergo a reduction in their sales of different types of candies and lollipops. This happens because the costs of these products are so expensive that customers are reluctant to buy them. Similarly, a large number of donuts and cakes presented on the shelves of many pastry shops would be ignored by shoppers since the displayed prices exceed their affordability. Consequently, all of these businesses may lose substantial profits because nobody buys what they sell, therefore having no choice but cease operating.

In conclusion, I totally disagree with the proposed statement. I believe that the authorities should not raise the prices of sugary products so that society would not suffer from repercussions, including additional pressure on the shopping budget and the bankruptcy of stores that sell sugar-related items.

Should there be any more problems, I hope to receive further feedback. Thanks in advance a lot !!!