This is my Ielts writing task 2. Can you correct it for me, please. Thank you very much.

Topic: Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?

Answer:

There is a public debate about joining the school at an early age, which leads to the argument between the advocates of this tendency and others who criticize it and prefer kids to be home-living until they are in the primary ages. In my opinion, letting the children adapt to school initially seems to be a way that brings out some social and emotional merits for them and their family.

One evident benefit of going to school at a young age is the social relationship at school. Joining school at the first stage of life means you have more than a chance to establish a relationship with other children around you, and also become quickly adapted to the learning environment, the thing that may be harder when you are a teenager with a complex feeling. Therefore, your experience will be more dynamic without any big problems of people surrounding you, and your studying journey will be easier. The best example that lingers in my mind is from my personal experience. I have needed to attend kindergarten since I was a 3 years old child. At first, I burst into tears, however, because of getting in class soon, I overcame and got along with others, which strongly supported me from now on.

Likewise, embracing some practical skills is another advantageous aspect that needs to be mentioned. Children going to school at an early age tend to have a delighted sign of superiority than others of the same ages, which includes adapting skills, independent and self-protective skills. Studying at school, they learn not only academic knowledge but also learn how to cope with their problems without the help of adults, which gradually creates their individuality skills. My younger sister, who went to the school when she was a little girl, nowadays knows how to deal with a lot of things in life, and be self-confident when she does something that she wants.

Overall, it is blatant that being in a school environment is not a bad way, conversely, it is considered as a necessary opportunity for them to grow up and be better.