This is my Ielts writing task 1. Please review it! Thanks a lot!

Question

The graph demonstrates numbers of crime’s cases over a period of nine years between 2003-2012 in the city centre. Overall, the crime levels tended to fluctuate slightly. In 2003, it was reported that approximately 3500 burglary cases had occurred. Then, the number declined considerably and reached the trough of about 1100 in the year 2008. Later, the figure for burglary cases stayed constant under 1500 incidents until 2012.

Turn into incidents of car theft, there was a gradual decrease from 2800 to 2000 cases of theft between the years of 2003 and 2006. From 2006 to 2012, the number of thieves underwent some slight fluctuation at around 2000-2500 circumstances.

Lastly, the level of robbery cases seemly didn’t experience much change. During the nine-year period, the number remained stable under 1000 incidents. Robbery statistic was also reported as the least among types of crime mentioned.

To conclude, we can see from the graph that the numbers of stealing incidents made up a majority of the total, especially figure for car stolen would tend to go up in the future.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Where is the graph you are writing about? Please attach a picture of it.

BM Consultant · Answer

Hi

Thanks for providing information.

Yirapyirap · Answer

Here is the picture. Sorry I forgot it!

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The (what kind of graph?) graph demonstrates (wrong word) numbers of crime’s (wrong form) cases over the period of nine years between 2003-2012 in the city centre. (What kind of crimes? Murder? Assault? Public drunkenness? ) Overall, the crime levels tended to fluctuate (wrong word) slightly. (Slightly is the opposite of the word you use later, considerably. You must be consistent and precise in Task 1.) In 2003, ~~it was reported that~~ approximately 3500 burglary cases ~~had~~ occurred. Then, the number declined considerably (How much is "considerably"? Be precise and use values, not descriptive words.) and reached a trough of at about 1100 in the year 2008. Later, the figure (wrong word, use "number") for burglary cases stayed constant under 1500 incidents (100 is under 1500, and so is 10 or 1498. Be precise.) until 2012.

Turn into (wrong phrase) incidents of car theft, there was a gradual decrease from 2800 to 2000 cases of theft between the years of 2003 and 2006. From 2006 to 2012, the number of thieves (wrong word. A thief is a person.) underwent some slight fluctuation (wrong word) at around 2000-2500 circumstances. (wrong word)

Lastly, the level (wrong word) of robbery cases seemly (wrong word) didn’t ~~experience~~ ~~much~~ change much. During the nine-year period, the number remained stable under 1000 incidents. Robbery statistic (wrong word) was also reported as the least among the types of crime mentioned. (You didn't specify what crimes were on the graph.)

To conclude, ~~we can see from the graph that~~ the numbers of stealing incidents (wrong phrase. Incidents do not steal.) made up a majority of the total, especially figure (wrong word) for car (wrong phrase) stolen would tend to go up in the future. (Opinion or conclusion. Do not write opinions in Task 1.)

Use a calculator for task 1 so you can write about totals, percent changes and changes in order.

Here are some examples:

At the beginning, in 2003, the total number of incidents was about 6,700, with burglaries accounting for about 50%, car theft about 40% and the remaining 10% robberies. In 2012, the total had declined to 4,700, a decrease of about 30%. The relative order had changed between 2006 and 2007 due to the decline in the number of burglaries. In 2012, car theft accounted for 57%, followed by burglary at 30% and the remainder (12%) were robberies. The number of car thefts and robberies were about the same at the beginning and end, but that of burglaries was about 60% lower.

Total crimes reached a high point in 2004 with 7,400 incidents, all three types being at or near their peak values. The lowest number, 3,700, occurred in 2008 when they were at or near their minimum values. That is an overall drop of 50% between these two years.

The numbers for robbery incidents stayed within a relatively narrow range, between 500 and 900 over the period.

The numbers of burglaries had the greatest change, a drop of about 70% from its peak in 2004 at 3,800 to its lowest point, 1,100 in 2008.

This is my Ielts writing task 1. Please review it! Thanks a lot!

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