This is my Ielts writing task 1. Could you please review it? Thank you so much.

The line graph compares the proportions of people who went going to a the cinema once or more than once a month in an unspecified European country between 2000 and 2011.

(Your opening paragraph is incorrect. According to your description, there is one curve on the graph, the percent of the population who went to a cinema at least once a month. However, that is not what is on the graph. In Task 1, you have to write with mathematical accuracy, precision, and clarity. It is for a university lecturer.)

Overall, the rates (Wrong word. Read my advice about misused vocabulary words. There are no rates on this graph.) of all ages generally increased with the people aged between 15 and 25 (The reader is confused. This is bad coherence and cohesion. You never mentioned any age groups) going to the cinema more often than other age groups (The reader is confused. What are these other groups?) and the 35 and over is the only group that had consistent growth throughout the period.

In 2000, around 15% of the 15-to-24-year-old people went to the cinema once a month or more, and this figure (Wrong word. Read my advice about misused vocabulary words. ) continued to rise, reaching roughly 45% by 2006. During the same period, similar patterns could be observed with 25-to-35 and 35 and over groups, from 5% to 15%, and 2% to 5%, respectively. Those who aged (wrong usage) between 25 and 35 also increased by 10% to 20% in 2006.

From 2006 to 2011, the figure for the 15-to-24 age fluctuated (Wrong word. Read my advice about misused vocabulary words. ) before finishing off at 52% in 2011. The percentage of the 7-14 and the 25-35 groups also fluctuated (Wrong word. Read my advice about misused vocabulary words. ) greatly, before both reaching (wrong form) 30% in 2011. The rate of the 35 and over, rose gradually and ended up at roughly 14% at the end of the period.

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Please read my advice concerning wrong words frequently used in Task 1.

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