This is my first time I have written a IELTS writing . Please give me your feedback. Thank you very much.

Question

The chart illustrates the proportions of Australian males and females in 6 age categories who did physical activity on a regular basis.
It is noticeable that almost half of the Australian adults did some forms of physical activity in 2010. Overall, men in 35 to 44 age group were the least physically active (39.5%)while middle age women did physical exercises most frequently ( 53.3%).
In the youngest age group ( 15 to 24) , the percentage of physically active men was 52.8 % , slightly higher than that of women ( 47.7%) whereas the proportion of males who usually did physical activity in the 35 to 44 age categories was considerably lower than the one of females in this group , at 39.5% and 52.5% respectively.
The age group between 45 and 64 saw a decline in the proportion of women who took regular exercises , from 53.3% to 53% while the figures for men rose by 2 % . Finally , in the oldest age categories (64 and over) , the percentages of active men and women remained at the approximately same level, at about 47%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Also, read my advice for Task 1 essays. Students make the same mistakes and they are pointed out in the links below. You have made the same mistakes. For example, you wrote "chart" in the first sentence. Is it a pie chart? You did not give the year that this data was for. You did not give the age categories. And "illustrate" is a verb for pictures and diagrams. It is not a good verb for charts and graphs.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Đặng Dương · Answer

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The chart (What kind of chart? Be specific.) illustrates (not a good word choice) the proportions of Australian males and females in 6 (Write out small numbers that are not data values.) six age categories who did physical activity on a regular basis. (What are the age groups? What year is the chart for?)

~~It is noticeable that~~ Almost half of the Australian adults did some forms (wrong form) of physical activity in 2010. (That is not a good "main feature". ) Overall, men in the 35 to 44 age group were the least physically active (39.5%) while middle aged women (What age range?) did physical exercises most frequently (incorrect. The chart is not about how frequent their exercise was. ) ( 53.3%).
In the youngest age group ( 15 to 24) , the percentage of physically active men was 52.8 % , (spacing error) slightly higher than that of women ( 47.7%) whereas the proportion of males who usually did physical activity in the 35 to 44 age categories (wrong form, This is only one category.) was considerably lower than that ~~the~~ ~~one~~ of females in this group , (spacing error) at 39.5% and 52.5% respectively.
The age group between 45 and 64 (There is no age group 45-64) saw (wrong word. Age groups do not see.) a decline (Decline compared to what?) in the proportion of women who took regular exercises , from 53.3% to 53% while the figures (wrong word) for men rose by 2 % . (2 spacing errors. ) Finally , in the oldest age categories (wrong form, This is only one category.) (64 (incorrect) and over) , the percentages of active men and women remained at the approximately same level, at about 47%.

Example essay (~200 words)

Outline:

1. Description of the figure
2. Overall - two or three of the main features.
3. Comparisons and details.

The bar chart compares the percentages of Australian men and women who engaged in regular exercise in 2010 by age group. Six age groups are shown: 15-24, 25-34, 35-44, 45-54, 55-64 and 65+.

Overall, the percentages for women had a narrower range than for men, 47.1-53.3% versus 39.5-52.8%. In addition, a higher proportion of women did regular exercise in every age group except for the youngest, the largest gap being in the 35-44 group, 52.5% for women and 13% less than that for the men.

In detail, male participation declined in the first three age groups, starting at 52.3% (ages 15-24) and reaching a low point of 39.5%. This value, for the 35-44 age group, was the lowest on the chart. This pattern of decreasing with age then reversed and the percentages rose over the next three groups, ending at 46.7% for the oldest group. Female participation, in contrast, went up for the first four groups, from 47.7% to 53.5%, and it was nearly the same in the fifth group (ages 55-64). In the oldest age range, 65+, about the same proportions of both sexes got regular physical activity, about 47%. The gender gap of 0.5% was the lowest on the chart.

This is my first time I have written a IELTS writing . Please give me your feedback. Thank you very much.

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