This is my final draft... I still need help please

Question

Paper# 3 Compare and Contrast Essay
18 October 2004

Ana and Doña Carmen

The movie “Real Women Have Curves”, written by Josefina Lopez and George La Voo, shows the relationship between Ana, an 18 year-old Mexican-American teenager and her traditional Mexican mother. In the movie, Carmen and Ana emerge as contrasting personalities.
Carmen, the mother, is dramatic and strong morally and Ana is open minded and confident.

Like most children of immigrants growing up in United States, Ana clashes with her traditional mother when it comes to discussions about going to college. Ana is a smart student and receives a full scholarship to Columbia University, New York after graduating from Beverly Hills High School. Ana believes that it is a good opportunity to better herself and get a higher education. In contrast, Carmen is against Ana continuing her education because she feels that is time for Ana to work and assist the family. Carmen wants to teach Ana the skills of a traditional housewife has(CAN I ADD HAS?--cleaning, cooking, raising children, and taking care of her husband.

College is not the only subject that Ana and Carmen argue about; self-esteem is another. Ana’s self esteem is not strong because she is being put down by her mother. Ana is insecure about her physical appearance; however, she overcomes her insecurity by accepting herself as a person. Even though Carmen is in a poor condition, she is always making Ana feel badly about her weight with comments like, “If you lost weight, you could be beautiful.” On other hand, Ana thinks that a woman should be judged by her thoughts and by her ideas, not by her physical attributes. Carmen believes that a woman’s main purpose in life is attracting a husband and having children.

Carmen tries to enforce old traditions from her homeland on her daughter. Ana deals with the situation of leaving her family to fulfill her dream of attending college. On other hand, Carmen insists that her traditional family cannot be separated. Ana falls into the transitions to becoming an independent and mature woman. While Ana is buying condoms for her first date, Carmen insists in her virginity. Ana does not believe that she must abstain from sex until she is married, unlike her mother who believes that she must. Ana thinks that a woman has ideas and is not all about virginity. Carmen thinks that it goes against her moral principals.

In the movie,” Real Woman Have Curves”, Ana struggled with situations that many Latina women experience in United States: She came from a traditional family where her mother did not support her to continue her education, she was overweight, and she had to make a decision about having sex instead of her mother’s traditions. I agree with Ana that women should be judged for who they are, instead of their body shape.

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Ana and Doña Carmen

The movie “Real Women Have Curves”, written by Josefina Lopez and George La Voo, shows the relationship between Ana, an 18 year-old Mexican-American teenager and her traditional Mexican mother. In the movie, Carmen and Ana emerge as contrasting personalities. Carmen, the mother, is dramatic and strong morally and Ana is open minded and confident. [If she is confident then why is her self-esteem poor later in your essay?]

Like most children of immigrants growing up in United States, Ana clashes with her traditional mother when it comes to discussions about going to college. Ana is a smart student and receives a full scholarship to Columbia University, New York after graduating from Beverly Hills High School. Ana believes that it is a good opportunity to better herself and get a higher education. In contrast, Carmen is against Ana continuing her education because she feels that is time for Ana to work and assist the family. Carmen wants to teach Ana the skills of a traditional housewife--cleaning, cooking, raising children, and taking care of her husband. [1]

College is not the only subject that Ana and Carmen argue about; self-esteem is another. [2] Ana’s self esteem is not strong because she is being put down by her mother. Ana is insecure about her physical appearance; however, she overcomes her insecurity by accepting herself as a person. Even though Carmen is in a poor [physical] condition, she is always making Ana feel badly about her weight with comments like, “If you lost weight, you could be beautiful.” On other hand, Ana thinks that a woman should be judged by her thoughts and by her ideas, not by her physical attributes. Carmen believes that a woman’s main purpose in life is attracting a husband and having children.

Carmen tries to enforce old traditions from her homeland on her daughter. Ana deals with the situation of leaving her family to fulfill her dream of attending college. On other hand, Carmen insists that her traditional family cannot be separated. Ana transitions from a dependent child to becoming an independent and mature woman. [3] While Ana is buying condoms for her first date, Carmen insists abstinence. Ana does not believe that she must abstain from *** until she is married, unlike her mother who believes that she must. Ana thinks that a woman has ideas and is not all about virginity. Carmen thinks that it goes against her moral principals. [4]

In the movie,” Real Woman Have Curves”, Ana struggled with situations that many Latina women experience in United States: She came from a traditional family where her mother did not support her to continue her education, she was overweight, and she had to make a decision about having *** instead of her mother’s traditions. I agree with Ana that women should be judged for who they are, instead of their body shape.

1) Carmen wants to teach Ana the skills of a traditional housewife--cleaning, cooking, raising children, and taking care of her husband.

Or

Carmen wants to teach Ana the skills that a traditional housewife typically has such as cleaning, cooking, raising children, and taking care of her husband.

Compare and contrast "of a" and "that a"

2) Do they argue about self esteem? Or is the low self-esteem the result of their arguing?

3) I changed this sentence to make it better, but it still seems out of place. It is more like a concluding sentence, no?

4) Your essay loses strength here in these last sentences because it you repeat the same thing over and over. Carmen abstinence, Ana *** and ideas. Got it.

Please leave your messages that deal with the same topic in the same thread. That way, we can easily see what was written previously.

MountainHiker

Pilita · Answer

Paper# 3 Compare and Contrast Essay
18 October 2004

Ana and Doña Carmen

The movie “Real Women Have Curves”, written by Josefina Lopez and George La Voo, shows the relationship between Ana, an 18 year-old Mexican-American teenager and her traditional Mexican mother. In the movie, Carmen and Ana emerge as contrasting personalities. Carmen, the mother, is dramatic and strong morally and Ana is open minded and insecure.

Like most children of immigrants growing up in United States, Ana clashes with her traditional mother when it comes to discussions about going to college. Ana is a smart student and receives a full scholarship to Columbia University, New York after graduating from Beverly Hills High School. Ana believes that it is a good opportunity to better herself and get a higher education. In contrast, Carmen is against Ana continuing her education because she feels that is time for Ana to work and assist the family. Carmen wants to teach Ana the skills of a traditional housewife-cleaning, cooking, raising children, and taking care of her husband.

College is not the only subject that Ana and Carmen argue about; physical appearance is another. Ana has a low self esteem because she is constantly being put down by her mother. Ana is insecure about her physical appearance; however, she overcomes her insecurity by accepting herself as a person. Even though Carmen is in a poor physical condition, she is always making Ana feel badly about her weight with comments like, “If you lost weight, you could be beautiful.” On the other hand, Ana thinks that a woman should be judged by her thoughts and by her ideas, not by her physical attributes. Carmen believes that a woman’s main purpose in life is attracting a husband and having children.

Carmen tries to enforce old traditions from her homeland on her daughter.(IS THIS TOO BROAD?) Ana deals with the situation of leaving her family to fulfill her dream of attending college. On the other hand, Carmen insists that her traditional family cannot be separated. Ana falls into transitions from a dependent child to becoming an independent and mature woman. While Ana is buying condoms for her first date, Carmen insists in her virginity. Ana does not believe that she must abstain from *** until she is married, unlike her mother who believes that she must. Ana thinks that a woman has ideas and is not all about virginity. Carmen thinks that it goes against her moral principals.(IS PRINCIPALS OR PRINCIPLES?)

In the movie,” Real Woman Have Curves”, Ana struggled with situations that many Latina women experience in United States: She came from a traditional family where her mother did not support her to continue her education, she was overweight, and she had to make a decision about having *** instead of her mother’s traditions.[1] I agree with Ana that women should be judged for who they are, instead of their body shape.(iS THIS SOUND RIGHT FOR A COMPARE &CONTRAST ESSAY?)DO I NEED ADD MORE THINGS IN MY CONCLUSION?)

1)IS THIS A COMPLETE SENTENCE?

MountainHiker · Answer

pilita,

#1

"Carmen tries to enforce old traditions from her homeland on her daughter.(IS THIS TOO BROAD?)"

No, but you need to better follow that sentence with examples of what those old traditions are.

#2

You want principles

#3 "In the movie,” Real Woman Have Curves”, Ana struggled with situations that many Latina women experience in United States: She came from a traditional family where her mother did not support her to continue her education, she was overweight, and she had to make a decision about having *** instead of her mother’s traditions."

No. "She was overweight." is a complete sentence in its own right.

In the movie,” Real Woman Have Curves”, Ana struggled with a home environment that many Latina women experience in United States. She fought against a traditional mother who believed that being a housewife was the proper path to follow. Her mother constantly rediculed Ana about her weight, saying that if she lost some pounds she could be pretty and attract a good husband and provider. Ana had different dreams. She dreamed of becoming her own independent person by going to college and persuing a career. Moreover, unlike her mother, she did not believe in abstinence, but instead believed that with contraception premarital *** was morally acceptable. [You need a concluding sentence....]

MountainHiker

Pilita · Answer

Check this out pleaseee!

Paper# 3 Compare and Contrast Essay
20 October 2004

Ana and Doña Carmen

The movie “Real Women Have Curves”, written by Josefina Lopez and George La Voo, shows the relationship between Ana, an 18 year-old Mexican-American teenager and her traditional Mexican mother. In the movie, Carmen and Ana emerge as contrasting personalities. Carmen, the mother, is dramatic and strict moral values and Ana is open minded and insecure.

Like most children of immigrants growing up in United States, Ana clashes with her traditional mother when it comes to discussions about going to college. Ana is a smart student and receives a full scholarship to Columbia University, New York after graduating from Beverly Hills High School. Ana believes that it is a good opportunity to better herself and get a higher education. In contrast, Carmen is against Ana continuing her education because she feels that is time for Ana to work and assist the family. Carmen wants to teach Ana the skills of a traditional housewife--cleaning, cooking, raising children, and taking care of her husband.

College is not the only subject that Ana and Carmen argue about; physical appearance is another. Ana’s self esteem is not strong because she is constantly being put down by her mother. Ana is insecure about her physical appearance; however, she overcomes her insecurity by accepting herself as a person. Even though Carmen is in a poor physical condition, she is always making Ana feel badly about her weight with comments like, “If you lost weight, you could be beautiful.” On the other hand, Ana thinks that a woman should be judged by her thoughts and by her ideas, not by her physical attributes. Carmen believes that a woman’s main purpose in life is attracting a husband and having children.

Carmen tries to force old traditions from her homeland on her daughter. One of these traditions is that families always stay together. Carmen insists that her traditional family cannot be separated. On the other hand, Ana deals with the situation of leaving her family to fulfill her dream of attending college. Another tradition is virginity. Carmen insists in Ana’s virginity before marriage. On the contrary, Ana does not believe that she must abstain from *** until she is married. Ana thinks that a woman has ideas and is not all about virginity. Carmen thinks that it goes against her moral principles.

In the movie,” Real Woman Have Curves”, Ana struggled with a home environment that many Latina women experience in United States. She fought against a traditional mother who believed that being a housewife was the proper path to follow. Her mother constantly ridiculed Ana about her weight, saying that if she lost some pounds she could be pretty and attract a good husband. Ana had different dreams. She dreamed of becoming an independent person by going to college and pursuing a career. Moreover, unlike her mother, she did not believe in abstinence, but instead believed that premarital *** was morally acceptable. I agree with Ana that women should be judged for who they are instead of their body shape.

This is my final short essay,
Pilita
thank you for your help

MountainHiker · Answer

I see you are online now.  I will post my comments in a few minutes.

MountainHiker · Answer

Ana and Doña Carmen

The movie “Real Women Have Curves”, written by Josefina Lopez and George La Voo, shows the relationship between Ana, an 18 year-old Mexican-American teenager[,] and her traditional Mexican mother. In the movie, Carmen and Ana emerge as contrasting personalities. Carmen, the mother, is dramatic WITH strict moral values and Ana is open minded BUT insecure. [Often people associate open mindedness with security. You have to be confident to allow yourself to be free to other ideas...Your paragraph could be improved slightly by having more symmetry. You start with Ana then Carmen. And then you talk about Carmen then Ana. It is better to be consistent.]

Like most [most or many??] children of immigrants growing up in United States, Ana clashes with her traditional mother when it comes to discussions about going to college [or more simply her future plans?]. Ana is a smart student [who] receives a full scholarship to Columbia University, New York after graduating from Beverly Hills High School. [She] believes that it is a good opportunity to better herself and get a higher education [bit awkward still]. In contrast, Carmen is against Ana continuing her education because she feels that is time for Ana to work and assist the family. Carmen wants to teach Ana the skills of a traditional housewife--cleaning, cooking, raising children, and taking care of her husband.

College is not the only subject that Ana and Carmen argue about[--]physical appearance is another. Ana [lacks] self esteem strong because she is constantly being put down [or harassed] by her mother. [Her lack of self esteem is made worse by her insecurity about] her physical appearance; however, she overcomes her insecurity by accepting herself as a person. Even though Carmen is in a poor physical condition, she is always making Ana feel badly about her weight with comments like, “If you lost weight, you could be beautiful.”[a bit awkward] On the other hand[where is the first hand?], Ana thinks that a woman should be judged by her thoughts and by her ideas, not by her physical attributes. Carmen believes that a woman’s main purpose in life is attracting a husband and having children. [This paragraph is still choppy. But for someone learning English it is pretty good.]

Carmen tries to force old traditions from her homeland on her daughter. One of these traditions is that families always stay together.[Delete prior sentence.] Carmen insists that her traditional family cannot be separated. On the other hand[where is the first hand?], Ana deals with the situation of leaving her family to fulfill her dream of attending college. Another tradition is virginity. Carmen insists in Ana’s virginity before marriage. On the contrary, Ana does not believe that she must abstain from *** until she is married. Ana thinks that a woman has ideas and is not all about virginity. Carmen thinks that it goes against her moral principles. [paragraph still needs a bit of work.]

In the movie,” Real Woman Have Curves”, Ana struggled with a home environment that many Latina women experience in United States. She fought against a traditional mother who believed that being a housewife was the proper path to follow. Her mother constantly ridiculed Ana about her weight, saying that if she lost some pounds she could be pretty and attract a good husband. Ana had different dreams. She dreamed of becoming an independent person by going to college and pursuing a career. Moreover, unlike her mother [who believed in abstinence], Ana believed that premarital *** was morally acceptable. I agree with Ana that women should be judged for who they are instead of their body shape. [Odd conclusion. Was the movie simply "body shape versus who you are"? My guess is that the movie was about the struggle of a young women wanting to pursue her own dreams versus a domineering mother who espoused traditional values, no? And the moral of the story is, you have to pursue your own dreams if you truly believe in your dreams, no matter how different those dreams might be from those of your parents or other important people. I am not sure where body shape comes into play. I think the body shape was likely just a minor argument in a larger context.]

Notes:

1) One one hand this.... And on the other hand that.... You need two hands.

You are likely frustrated by my comments. If I thought these comments before, why didn't I say so. My first objective is to get you to write your sentences with better grammar. You have improved. You need to work on your organization more. You are trying so hard to write your essay that you sometimes get lost in the bigger picture. That is where an outline would help you. It will provide a road map to follow.

I think as your organization improves, your paragraphs will improve too. They seem a bit choppy. But then again, that comes with time and practice.

If I were to provide more guidance and do a lot of your writing, then you don't learn. You've made good progress, and there is still lots to work on. I hope you have learned from this experience and your next essay will be easier and better.

MountainHiker

Pilita · Answer

Hi Mountainhiker!Thank you for your comments.I know that I still more help with my grammar. I talked to my teacher last week. He agree with you about my organization. He said that I have good ideas , but the reader can get lost in my essays. hhahahahha!. Sometimes I feel frustated about it, but I will try to do my best effort next time.Thank you again.
Sincerely,
Pilita

MountainHiker · Answer

Hi Pilita,

Thank you for your comments.

Young people and inexperienced writers hate having to create an outline. They think that is extra work. In reality, it SAVES them work. It saves them work because they now have road map to follow. More experienced writers create a road map in their heads.

When I write, I know what I want to say. Then I begin writing. And then I revise. If it is really important, I wait for a few days and then revise again.

Good luck.

MountainHiker

This is my final draft... I still need help please

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