This is IELTS Writing, can you help to correct my task pleaseee?

Task 2:

Over the past decade, dresscode at work has never failed to draw public attention and provoke debates. Some people assert that the employees should show their proffesion by their dressing styles while the other hold their view that the staffs had better give more notice on their working efficiency to appearance. In this essay, I will go more intensively into these two opinions and give my personal perpective.

Firstly, it is essential to recognize that smartly attractive dresscode at the offices possibly and indirectly encourage the staffs’ interest or motivation at work. To be more specific, the fact that the employees have their own alternatives to adopt what they probably wear to the offices will make them more willing to concentrate on their jobs as the more delighted they get, the more productive they may perform. Furthermore, the scenio that all the staffs in the firm dress fashionably and proffesionally really show an amazing and interesting brand image for the company.

On the other hand, it is equally vital to recognize that labour productivity is of much higher essence compared to showing off the dressing styles at work. For example, notwithstanding serving in the same industry field, Vietjet Air actually make customers bear in mind their much more marvelous and high-fashioned uniforms than those of Vietnam Airlines. Nonetheless, Vietnam Airlines successfully achieves higher reputation due to their careful service and safer flights, which makes it manage to maintain its position and firmly stands still on the top.

In conclusion, every view has its own merits and drawbacks. To my point of view, under no circumstances does paying more attention to dress intelligently and gorgeously at the offices impact detrimentally on working productivity. As a result, I will give my support to the idea of freedom of dressing at work.

Task 1:

The line graph depicts the amount of bachelors in Canada in the period between 1992 and 2006 in terms of gender. Overall, there was an increasing trend in both male and female graduating students in Canada through this 14 years.

For the first 10 years, both lines for girl and boy groups experienced a tiny fluctuation around 100 500 and 70 500 students respectively. From 2002 to 2006, the number of post-graduates in male went up from 70 500 to 90 500 students. Also in this period, the amount of girls graduating in Canada climbed up and reached the peak of nearly 150 000 students, as a result widening the distance between it and the boy group.

In conclusion, there was a huge amount of graduates in Canada with the fact that the amount of female students graduating always outnumbered that of male in the period of 1992 to 2003.