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Ayl Posted 10 years ago

This is an original poem of mine. Does it sound good or not? What can you say about it?

This is an original poem of mine. Does it sound good or not? What can you say about it? Thank you.

If all hell breaks loose, never be afraid.
God is your hope. Keep your bond with Him strong.
He’s the greatest of all the friends you’ve made.
His voice sounds soothing like your fav’rite song.
Listen well, and all your worries will fade.

If you feel afraid, ne’er call yourself weak.
Cheer up! You’re not helpless. Why must you cry?
Follow where He leads you. Be truly meek.
Just make sure that your love for Him won’t die
When you can’t find the comfort that you seek.

If you grow weak, never think you’re alone.
Your steadfast faith in Him can take you far.
Let Him make you harder than a gemstone
Glittering like a one-of-a-kind star,
Above which He has set His heav’nly throne.
  

Top answer

This is a nice poem I enjoyed reading. I like your rhyming pattern. It sounded better every time I read it.

— Englishmaven

  • This is a nice poem I enjoyed reading.
  • I like your rhyming pattern.
  • It sounded better every time I read it.
  • I read it several times to get a good flow going as I read.
  • I didn't realize how structured it was until I read it a few times.
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5 Answers
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This is a nice poem I enjoyed reading. I like your rhyming pattern. It sounded better every time I read it. I read it several times to get a good flow going as I read. I didn't realize how structured it was until I read it a few times. All the lines but the first have 10 syllables. The first line has 9.

I think this line

Just make sure that your love for Him won’t die
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EnglishmavenI would look for other ways to say "make sure," and "won't die" doesn't say poetic. Maybe you can word it more positively, too.
Thank you very much, Englishmaven, for your suggestion.

Would it be better if I wrote the second and the fourth lines in the second stanza as follows?

..................................................
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Yes. Those are good choices. I think they work better in your poem.
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Thank you very much, Englishmaven.
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Englishmaven, would it be acceptable if I made the this final revision on my poem? (You know, I've just realized my first version of the poem isn't good enough in terms of meter; its metrical pattern isn't well-defined. This time, I've made sure that my poem has a regular metrical pattern.)

If all **** breaks loose, never be afraid.
The LORD’s your hope. In fact, He’ll ma
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