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Morrru Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Thesis statement

Hello,

I'm wrtinig an essay about obesity and I'm not sure if my thesis statement is correct in terms of grammar and logic.

Obesity prevention measures should be encouraged from the earliest years.

Please provide advice if necessary.

Thanks,
Martin
  

Top answer

Hi, It's not wrong. But the passive voice makes it sound weak and rather vague. Who should do the encouraging?

— Clive

  • Hi, It's not wrong.
  • But the passive voice makes it sound weak and rather vague.
  • Who should do the encouraging?
  • The earliest years of whom or what?
  • Is it the measures, or the prevention, that should be encouraged?
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1 Answers
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Hi,

It's not wrong.

But the passive voice makes it sound weak and rather vague.
Who should do the encouraging?
The earliest years of whom or what?
Is it the meas
0

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