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PreciousJones Posted 14 years ago
Grammar

Thesis

Specific Goal: Allowing my classmates to know the two things that have played an essential role to my maturation.

Thesis: Nike Air Jordan Sneakers and The Air National Guard have distinctly imprinted my life and are two things I will hold firm to my heart for as long as I live.

Please proofread. Thank you.
  

Top answer

No. Nike Air Jordan sneakers and the Air National Guard have each played an essential role in my maturation because __________, _______________, and _____________ . The 3 blanks represent three short explanatory phrases or clauses which will be fully presented with details and examples in the body of your essay.

— Mister Micawber

  • No.
  • Nike Air Jordan sneakers and the Air National Guard have each played an essential role in my maturation because __________, _______________, and _____________ .
  • The 3 blanks represent three short explanatory phrases or clauses which will be fully presented with details and examples in the body of your essay.
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9 Answers
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No.

Nike Air Jordan sneakers and the Air National Guard have each played an essential role in my maturation because __________, _______________, and _____________.

The 3 blanks represent three short explanatory phrases or clauses which will be fully presented with details and examples in the body of your essay.
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Mister MicawberNo.Nike Air Jordan sneakers and the Air National Guard have each played an essential role in my maturation because _________, _______________, and ____________.The 3 blanks represent three short explanatory phrases or clauses which will be fully presented with details and examples in the body of your essay.
The teacher wants us to follow
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No. Your statement is vague: it suggests no answer to the goal.
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Mister MicawberNo. Your statement is vague: it suggests no answer to the goal.
Thesis: Nike Air Jordan Sneakers and The Air National Guard have distinctly imprinted my life and are two things that remind me to persevere and never give up no matter what.

How about now?
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Yes, that is much better, but you have not learned how to use big words yet. Also, 'thing' is a useless word for writing: it shows that the writer does not know the apppropriate word. I would also appreciate it if you paid attention to the corrections I have made previously:

Nike Air Jordan sneakers and the Air National Guard have strongly affected my life, remin
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Mister MicawberYes, that is much better, but you have not learned how to use big words yet. Also, 'thing' is a useless word for writing: it shows that the writer does not know the apppropriate word. I would also appreciate it if you paid attention to the corrections I have made previously:Nike Air Jordan sneakers and the Air National Guard have strongly affected my life,
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Does 'distinctly imprinted my life' not make any sense?-- It makes sense; it also sounds like an English learner who has found a new word but does not quite know how to use it.
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Mister MicawberDoes 'distinctly imprinted my life' not make any sense?-- It makes sense; it also sounds like an English learner who has found a new word but does not quite know how to use it.
If it makes sense and is grammatically correct, why would it sound misused or awkward? I don't understand why it would seem that way?

Please tell me your thoug
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Because (as you should be aware by now!) there are many ways of composing sentences grammatically but very few of those are naturally used by native speakers.

As to your phrase, for instance, 'imprinted' already carries the meaning of 'distinct', because that is the nature of imprinting; the phrase is 'imprint X on Y'; and imprinting is a mindless process experienced by infants and
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