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Mr. Tom Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

The sunshine filtered through the banyan...

Hi

Could you please tell me if these lines read naturally, especially the underlined parts? Any suggestions are welcome.

That morning everything went as it should have. While she poured the steaming coffee into her favorite silver cups, John walked away and sat under the banyan, the hugest tree Nakita had ever seen in her life. He picked up the newspaper but she knew that he was only musing over the incidents of the last night, especially her confession about her past. The sunshine filtered through the banyan and fell on John’s face in patches. For an instant, Nakita thought that her husband had developed vitiligo overnight. But within minutes she realized that it was not his face that had been inflicted on by dark patches; it was his heart.

Thanks,

Tom

PS:

* Can I remove the word tree? ...the hugest Nakita had ever seen in her life.
* Incidents of last night -- would it work without the?
* Confessions about the past -- so that there is less repetition.
  

Top answer

1. I would keep tree. 2.

  • 1.
  • I would keep tree.
  • 2.
  • Incidents of the previous night .
  • 3.
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4 Answers
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1. I would keep tree. 2. Incidents of the previous night. 3. I think I would switch her and the.
I believe that sunshine does not filter...it is filtered. "The sunshine was filtered through the..."
"..not his face that had been affected by..."
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Thanks, Philip.

I have made the changes you suggested.

Is the register of my story OK?

Tom
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Mr. TomIs the register my story OK?
??
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Sorry, I have edited my line.

Tom

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