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Angliholic Posted 18 years ago
Grammar

the sun was glittering in the blue sky just like a diamond

1i00It was a warm afternoon; 01b00the sun was glittering in the blue sky just like a diamond.02b00 I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. And surprisingly, everything became different 00at02i00 that moment. 01b00I felt myself released from a heart prison and a powerful energy just ran into my mind02b00. 01b00I was rebirth, and ready for the coming up challenges02b00.02br
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01b00Hi,02b02br
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00Is it better to rewrite the bolded parts as "01i00the sun was shining in the blue sky like a ball of fire02i00" and "01i00I felt I was released from my prison of heart, and then my heart was filled again with powerful energy. I was reborn, and I'm ready for the upcoming challenges02i00?" Thanks.0-
  

Top answer

0 The rewrite is far better. I do have a problem with "prison of heart", however. I understand that the person may be feeling low, but I think it can be expressed better.

— Philip

  • 0 The rewrite is far better.
  • I do have a problem with "prison of heart", however.
  • I understand that the person may be feeling low, but I think it can be expressed better.
  • I'll let those with more poetic talents try to help you out.
  • 0-
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1 Answers
0
0 The rewrite is far better. I do have a problem with "prison of heart", however. I understand that the person may be feeling low, but I think it can be expressed better. I'll let those with more poetic talents try to help you out. 0-
0

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