The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertisement because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree?

Question

"Please review my essay (IELTS Task 2)" Give me score.

It has been argued that a comprehensive prohibition on all categories of advertising services brings about great values to our society due to its pointless and even harmful. In my opinion, this assumption is high subjective, therefore, I somewhat agree with the statement.

On the one hand, a kind of advertisement that is considered be usefuless and detrimental has negative effects on community, especial for customers. It can be seen that manufacturers have to pay a remarkable number of money on advertising services aiming to bring their products in the mind of public included in goods prices that purchasers must spend buying any products. Moreover, most of producers tend to exaggerate the funtions, values, qualities of merchandise that encouraged users to buy it by fraudulant means.

On the other hand, there is no deny that we live in the age of marketing, therefore, advertising industrial plays a vital role to male our society be better. New products are always upgraded with the latest distint and revolutionary features would remain unknown unless advertisement that disseminated needed information to reach as many customers as possible. Advertising industrial also dispense thoudsands of employment opportunities for workers that contributes to reduce unemployment rate and pay a large number of taxes so that government can carry out a variety of funtions, such as society security, education and make improvements on citizens’ living condition.

In conclusion, advertisement is one of vital important factors to improve our community – both negative and positive effects. Therefore, using ads for the right purposes will make valuable contributions to society's development.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

I have highlighted some errors in your text and included comments and some corrections.

When you try to write long sentences, the sentence structure falls apart. Do not try to write long sentences. Short ones are better.

It has been argued that a comprehensive prohibition on all categories of advertising services would bring ~~brings~~ about great values to our society due to its pointless and even harmful (missing word. Harmful is an adjective. It requires a noun.) In my opinion, this assumption is high subjective, (comma splice error) therefore, I somewhat agree with the statement.

On the one hand, a kind of advertisement that is considered (missing word) be usefuless and detrimental has negative effects on (missing word) community, especial (wrong form) for customers. It can be seen that manufacturers have to pay a remarkable number (wrong word) of money on advertising services aiming to bring their products in the mind of (missing word) public (The sentence goes bad here. Did you mean to start a new sentence?) included in goods prices (??) that purchasers must spend buying any products. Moreover, most of (missing word) producers tend to exaggerate the funtions, values, (missing word) qualities of merchandise that encouraged (wrong form) users to buy it by fraudulant means. (Do they ask customers to buy on the black market or with counterfeit money?)

A suggested version.

On the one hand, kinds of advertisement that are considered to be useless and detrimental have negative effects on the community, especially the consumers. It can be seen that manufacturers have to pay a significant amount of money on advertising services aiming to bring their products to the mind of the public. That cost is included in the price of goods, and purchasers must pay higher prices. Moreover, most producers tend to exaggerate the functions, values, and qualities of their merchandise to encourage users to buy. That practice is deceptive advertising.

On the other hand, there is no deny that we live in the age of marketing, therefore, advertising industrial (missing word. industrial is an adjective. It requires a noun.) plays a vital role to male our society be better. New products are always upgraded with the latest distint and revolutionary features (missing word) would remain unknown unless advertisement that disseminated needed information to reach as many customers as possible. (ungrammatical structure) Advertising industrial (missing word. industrial is an adjective. It requires a noun.) also provides ~~dispense~~ thoudsands of employment opportunities for workers (missing word) that contributes to reduce (missing word) unemployment rate and generate ~~pay~~ a large number (wrong word) of taxes so that (missing word) government can carry out a variety of funtions, such as society (wrong form) security, (missing word) education and make improvements on citizens’ living condition. (wrong form)

In conclusion, advertisement is one of (missing word) vital important factors to improve our community – (missing words) both negative and positive effects. Therefore, using ads for the right purposes will make valuable contributions to society's development.

Phuong Thao Dang · Answer

Please check my essay again. Thank you very much!

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertisement because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging.

Do you agree or disagree?

Manufacturers use an advertising way as means of transferring their products to customers. Some people assume that all categories of advertising should have be prohibited due to its useless and harmful purposes that would bring about great values to our society. In my opinion, I partly agree with this point of view.

On the one hand, kinds of commercials that are considered be pointless and detrimental have negative influences on the community, especially consumers. All modes of advertisement including radio, TV, the internet are expensive and the company has to spend every year. Therefore, the cost of advertisements are ultimately reflected in the price of products that the company sells to its customers who have to pay higher price to the product. In addition, commercials are misleading and not all goods or services which are advertised are well-qualified because most producers tend to exaggerate the functions, values, qualities of merchandises aiming to encourage users to buy them.

On the other hand, there is no denying that advertising service plays profound role to make our society better. First, commercials promote competitions among the competing firms. It leads to the production of better quality products at competitive price. Second, advertising industry provides thousands of employment opportunities that contribute to reduce unemployment rate and raise worker’s standard of living. Finally, commercials help the manufacturers to contact the public directly. Such a direct contact between the manufacturers and the consumers results in the elimination of middlemen that helps the manufacturers to reduce their selling costs to certain extent.

In conclusion, advertisement is one of the vital important factors to improve our community in both negative and positive effects. Therefore, using ads for the right purposes will make valuable contributions to society's development.

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertisement because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree?

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