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Mr. Tom Posted 16 years ago
Grammar

The new director was dead set against the...

Hi

Do you find this sentence natural, especially the yellow parts? Any suggestions are welcome.

The new director was dead set against the informality of the atmosphere in the office, and wanted a metamorphosis in how the people dressed, behaved and worked there.

Thanks,

Tom

PS: Can I substitute "desired" for "wanted"?
  

Top answer

"the informality of the atmosphere in the office" is not wrong, but it seems simpler to say "the informal atmosphere in the office". "metamorphosis" does not seem the right word here. Plain old "change" seems OK to me.

— Mr Wordy

  • "the informality of the atmosphere in the office" is not wrong, but it seems simpler to say "the informal atmosphere in the office".
  • "metamorphosis" does not seem the right word here.
  • Plain old "change" seems OK to me.
  • I would say "the way" rather than "how".
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2 Answers
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"the informality of the atmosphere in the office" is not wrong, but it seems simpler to say "the informal atmosphere in the office".

"metamorphosis" does not seem the right word here. Plain old "change" seems OK to me.

I would say "the way" rather than "how".
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It strikes me as a bit pretentious.
How about:
"the informal atmosphere in" or "the informality of"
and

"wanted a change in"

Substuting "desired" for "wanted" would only make it more pretentious.
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