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Vbblueeyes Posted 21 years ago

The Kentucky Dream

0 01del00The Kentucky Dream02del02br
00With graceful movement, heart beating so fast, 02br
00The rider mounts his nervous bounding speed, 02br
00So surely built, construction made to last 02br
00The sleekness constitutes his every need 02br
00A flight across the barren ground, his dream 02br
00Sweet songs of hoof beats driven in the ear 02br
00The strength of which no man could ever ream 02br
00So smoothly shifts into a higher gear 02br
00And needs the race like life so needs the love 02br
00Catharsis of emotion in two beasts 02br
00And running with the eagle, not the dove 02br
00The money of the win is loved the least 02br
00So race with me a little while more 02br
00And ease the pain of every single sore 0-
  

Top answer

0I think you have a couple of typographical errors. 02br 02br 00It is brave but dangerous to attempt the Shakespearian sonnet unless you have iron control of iambic pentameter (which fails in your first and 13th lines) and rhyme (which fails in your twelfth). Check also your punctuation, which needs to be immaculate.

— Mister Micawber

  • 0I think you have a couple of typographical errors.
  • 02br 02br 00It is brave but dangerous to attempt the Shakespearian sonnet unless you have iron control of iambic pentameter (which fails in your first and 13th lines) and rhyme (which fails in your twelfth).
  • Check also your punctuation, which needs to be immaculate.
  • 02br 02br 00Its demands also lure one into weaknesses such as 'every single'-- stretching the idea to five feet-- and 'the eagle, not the dove'-- which seems to say something germane to the subject, but does not.
  • 02br 02br 00Very nicely essayed.
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3 Answers
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0I think you have a couple of typographical errors. 02br
02br
00It is brave but dangerous to attempt the Shakespearian sonnet unless you have iron control of iambic pentameter (which fails in your first and 13th lines) and rhyme (which fails in your twelfth). Check also your punctuation, which needs to be immaculate. 02br
02br
00Its demands also lure o
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0 thanks for the comments and advice they r much appreciated 02br
00i had to attempt this poem for a project so bear with me im not very good 02br
00ok this is what i changed, 02br
02br
01del00The Kentucky Dream02del02br
00With graceful movement, heart beating so fast, 02br
00The rider mounts his nervous boun
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0Your revision got rid of the two birds, but the 'competitor' line is 'way out of meter. 02br
02br
00Iambic pentameter is simple-- it is the natural rhythm of much of spoken narrative English. The trick is that you must compose lines whose natural spoken cadence matches this form; the word stress and syllabification cannot be contorted into these five feet like a Procrustean
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