The fall

Question

Can anyone improve the short sentences below?

He underwent electroconvulsive therapy as many as 15 times and his brain condition continue deteriorating. He could not accept his tumble, but neither strong nor creative to continue writing. Hermingway aimed his favourite gun to his neck and fire a gunshot. Like father like son, they commited sucide.

JohnParis · Accepted Answer

He underwent electroconvulsive therapy as many as 15 times and his brain condition continued to deteriorate ~~deteriorating~~. He could not accept his ~~tumble~~ fall ~~, but~~ and was neither strong enough nor creative enough to continue writing. Hermingway ~~aimed~~ put his favourite gun to his neck and fired. ~~a gunshot.~~ Like his father, ~~like son, they~~ he commited sucide.

I don't think that you have your facts correct concerning Hemingway's suicide. For example, he did not put his gun to his neck. He put it into his mouth.

An excellent reference on the subject is: Martin, Christopher D. (2006). "Ernest Hemingway: A Psychological Autopsy of a Suicide". Psychiatry 69 (4): 351–361. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_object_identifier:10.1521/psyc.2006.69.4.351. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Standard_Serial_Number 00332747. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PubMed_Identifier 17326729

Jing-yi · Answer

Thank you very much JohnParis. I understand my facts most probably is wrong. I got few questions here.

Why

1) He could not accept his tumble

2) Hermingway aimed his favourite gun

3) Like father like son, they commited sucide.

are not suitable?

JohnParis · Answer

You're welcome.

I just noticed that the EnglishForward.com correction system did not remove the words I struck out in my initial response to you. My answer should have read:

He underwent electroconvulsive therapy as many as 15 times and his brain condition continued to deteriorate. He could not accept his fall, and was neither strong enough nor creative enough to continue writing. Hermingway put his favourite gun to his neck and fired. Like his father, he commited sucide.

Now, to answer your second set of questions:

Your three phrases are not suitable because:

1. the first definition of the transitive verb 'tumble' is: fall suddenly, clumsily, or headlong : she pitched forward, tumbling down the remaining stairs. In your story you are speaking of a psychological fall, not a physical tumble.

2. Hemingway used his favorite shotgun to kill himself. You cannot aim a shotgun at yourself - you can only aim it a a target. To aim a shotgun you must place the **** of the gun to your shoulder with the barrels facing away from you. You can, however, put the end of the barrels of a shotgun into your mouth and fire. There is no aiming involved in this gesture. That is what Hemingway did.

3. The expression "like father like son" means "the son does like the father". The way you have employed the word 'they' is incorrect. As you have used it, one would understand that Hemingway, like his father, committed suicide and that Hemingway's father, like his father committed. In other words, you are saying that Hemingway and his father and his father's father all committed suicide.

Jing-yi · Answer

My idol JohnParis,

Really appreciate on your help! Your analysis is absolutely professional.

By the way, I have a question here. Any fast way to improve English in 5 years time? I hope to become a novelist at that time, but I seems do not have enough vocabulary in my head.

Thanks

Jing-yi

[You may correct this message if you find any misuse English]

JohnParis · Answer

Live in an English speaking country and study English literature.

You will find that after even just one year your English will have improved immensely. At the end of five years you'll most likely be better than many native speakers!

Jing-yi · Answer

Thank you John Paris.

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