The day I entered Buckingham Palace

Question

Hello, I came across this wonderful forum. I'm also learning English and i think it's a great opportunity to improve my writing skills. This is a passage i wrote and everyone is welcome to proof read it and suggest changes to it or even rewrite it in a different style. I find it interesting and very useful to read the same thing in different styles as it gives you a perception of the possible alternatives that can be used. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read it and more thanks to those who take the time to contribute.

The day I entered Buckingham Palace

It was one of those spring's beautiful sunny days. The cool breeze mixing with the sunshine gave the flowers a sparkle of beauty and elegance. I went out for a walk in one of London's parks near Buckingham palace, the official queen’s residence. As I reached the palace I saw posters advertising the opening of the state rooms in Buckingham palace for visitors. I was so excited that I didn't even feel the time I spent waiting in the queue to buy my ticket. And for a reasonable £11, I got my ticket which looked and felt ‘royal’ and went towards one of the side doors of the palace. There, a team of stewards dressed in a 'Buckingham palace uniform' greeted me and asked me to take a seat along with about 50 other visitors waiting for our turn to enter the palace. First I had to go through a security check with an x-ray machine similar to those used in airports. I was then given an audio guide. This was basically a set of headphones connected to what looked like a calculator hanging around your neck. You can think of it as a personal guide walking with you and explaining to you what you see in the palace. I put on my headphones quickly and hurried to enter the palace through the Ambassadors entrance. At the entrance, I pressed the green button on my audio guide and listened to Prince Charles welcoming me to Buckingham Palace. For a moment I felt I was in a dream. Am I really in Buckingham Palace where the queen meets world leaders?! The palace had a majestic atmosphere. Everything looked perfect, and I mean everything. The size of the rooms, or rather halls, the architecture, the decor, the furniture and the fine art on display gives you a clear message that this is a place especially designed for the royal family to show off the greatness of the United Kingdom to their visitors. The rooms were awesome that wards are not enough to describe them. By the way, I also had the opportunity to see a secret entrance for the queen to one of the halls where part of what looked like a wall can be opened for the queen to enter the room straight from here quarters. All in all, it was a great experience and to those who are planning to visit London it is definitely worthwhile arranging your visit so that it coincides with the opening of the state rooms at Buckingham palace.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

'Buckingham Palace

It was a beautiful, sunny spring day. The cool breeze and the sunshine gave the flowers a sparkle of elegance. I went out for a walk in a London park near Buckingham Palace, the Queen’s official residence. As I reached the palace, I saw posters announcing the opening of its State Rooms to visitors. I was so excited that I did not notice the time I spent waiting in the ticket queue. For £11, I got a ticket that looked and felt ‘royal’ and continued to one of the side doors of the palace. Stewards dressed in palace uniforms greeted me and asked me to take a seat with about fifty other visitors who were waiting to enter. First I went through a security check with an x-ray machine, as in an airport. I was then given an audio guide to hang around my neck: headphones connected to what looked like a calculator. It serves as a personal guide, walking with you and explaining what you see. I put on my headphones quickly and hurried to enter the palace through the 'Ambassadors' Entrance'. There, I pressed the green button on my audio guide and listened to Prince Charles welcoming me to Buckingham Palace. For a moment I felt that I was in a dream. Was I really in Buckingham Palace, where the Queen meets world leaders? The palace had a majestic atmosphere. Everything looked perfect. The size of the halls, the architecture, the decor, the furnishings, and the fine art on display sent a clear message that this place was especially designed for the royal family to show off the greatness of the United Kingdom to visitors. The rooms were so awesome that words are insufficient to describe them. I was also shown the Queen's secret entrance to one of the halls, where part of the wall can be opened for her to enter the room directly from her quarters. All in all, it was a great experience and, for visitors to London, it is definitely worthwhile arranging your visit so that it coincides with the opening of the State Rooms at Buckingham Palace.'

Please note that most editing to create good writing is done by shortening and deleting what one has written in earlier drafts. It is also worthwhile, in this IT age, to access appropriate sites to acquire vocabulary. Here is an excerpt from the UK government website:

'Buckingham Palace has served as the official London residence of Britain's sovereigns since 1837. It evolved from a town house that was owned from the beginning of the eighteenth century by the Dukes of Buckingham. Today it is The Queen's official residence. Although in use for the many official events and receptions held by The Queen, areas of Buckingham Palace are opened to visitors on a regular basis.

The State Rooms of the Palace are open to visitors during the Annual Summer Opening in August and September. They are lavishly furnished with some of the greatest treasures from the Royal Collection - paintings by Rembrandt, Rubens, Vermeer, Poussin, Canaletto and Claude; sculpture by Canova and Chantrey; exquisite examples of Sèvres porcelain; and some of the finest English and French furniture in the world.

Visits to Buckingham Palace can be combined with visits to The Queen's Gallery, which reopened in May 2002. The nearby Royal Mews is open from 27 March to 31 October 2004.'

Placebo · Answer

Thank you very muck Mister Micawber. Your written piece is much better connected with a smooth flow. Shortening and deleting in definitely a good way of improving one's style. Thank you again and i promise my next piece will be better.

Nona the brit · Answer

It also helps to use paragraphs, it is very difficult to read one solid long block of text.

My version is:

The day I entered Buckingham Palace

'It was one of those beautiful sunny spring days. The cool breeze mixed with the sunshine and gave the flowers in the park a sparkle of beauty. I was near Buckingham Palace, the queen’s official residence, and as I approached I saw posters advertising the opening of the state rooms.

I was so excited that I didn't even notice the time I spent in the queue.

For a reasonable £11, I got a ticket which looked and felt ‘royal’ and went towards one of the side doors of the palace. There, a team of stewards dressed in a 'Buckingham palace uniform' greeted me and asked me to take a seat along with other visitors waiting to enter the palace.

First I had to go through a security check with an x-ray machine similar to those used in airports. I was then given an audio guide. This is basically a set of headphones connected to what looks like a calculator hanging around your neck.

I put on my headphones and hurried through the Ambassadors entrance. I pressed the green button on my audio guide and listened to Prince Charles welcoming me to Buckingham Palace. For a moment I felt I was in a dream. Am I really in Buckingham Palace where the queen meets world leaders?

The palace has a majestic atmosphere. Everything looked perfect, and I mean everything. The size of the rooms (or rather halls) the architecture, the decor, the furniture and the fine art on display gives you a clear message that this is a place for the royal family to show off the greatness of the United Kingdom to their visitors.

By the way, I also had the opportunity to see the Queen's secret entrance to one of the halls. Part of what looked like a wall can be opened for the queen to enter the room straight from her quarters.

All in all, it was a great experience. If you are going to London it is definitely worthwhile arranging your visit so that it coincides with the opening of the state rooms at Buckingham palace. '

Incidentally, my best friend's dad worked at the palace until recently and she has some interesting stories to tell! They still hold staff ***** for their employees and there are all sorts of odd restrictions on who they can bring as guests. Obviously, they have to pass security checks, but as well as that he was only allowed to bring:
spouse, or
unmarried daughters under the age of 25!

Can you believe that? The family worked out a rota (as they have three daughters) to give them all a chance to go before they married or grew too old, and his poor wife had to wait until all the girls had been. How feudal!

Placebo · Answer

Thank you nona the brit for your contributiion. Your advice is much appreciated and will take it on board when i write my next passage.

The day I entered Buckingham Palace

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