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Anonymous Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
The correct tense
Improve on my tenses below. Thank you.
As the weather is especially inclement, Alex is unable to go outside as per his usual plans, so instead, he reads a novel in his bedroom while in the company of Jack, who being thrice his age, murmurs to himself quietly. Alex would not have been speaking to Jack for a few hours now, as aside from the fact that he is focused on his reading, Jack is having a heart attack and is unable to speak at all. Alex, as it were, is so engrossed in his reading that he is oblivious to this fact. Had he not been so engrossed in his novel, he might not have mistaken Jack's murmurs as those which are ordinary to the elderly, and perhaps he would have taken his eyes off his ensnaring novel, and looked at Jack to see that he is having a heart attack. The two of them sit silently together as clouds accumulate and the atmosphere stagnates to a point of inertia.
As the weather is especially inclement, Alex is unable to go outside as per his usual plans, so instead, he reads a novel in his bedroom while in the company of Jack, who being thrice his age, murmurs to himself quietly. Alex would not have been speaking to Jack for a few hours now, as aside from the fact that he is focused on his reading, Jack is having a heart attack and is unable to speak at all. Alex, as it were, is so engrossed in his reading that he is oblivious to this fact. Had he not been so engrossed in his novel, he might not have mistaken Jack's murmurs as those which are ordinary to the elderly, and perhaps he would have taken his eyes off his ensnaring novel, and looked at Jack to see that he is having a heart attack. The two of them sit silently together as clouds accumulate and the atmosphere stagnates to a point of inertia.
Top answer
That's a very nice passage indeed. The tenses look fine. "as it were" seems inappropriate.
- That's a very nice passage indeed.
- The tenses look fine.
- "as it were" seems inappropriate.
- "murmurs for those".
- Some points of punctuation I would do differently.
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2 Answers
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That's a very nice passage indeed.
The tenses look fine.
"as it were" seems inappropriate.
"murmurs for those".
Some points of punctuation I would do differently. "so instead he".
Repetition of "novel".
"inertia" could be bettered, if you can think of a suitable alternative.
d
The tenses look fine.
"as it were" seems inappropriate.
"murmurs for those".
Some points of punctuation I would do differently. "so instead he".
Repetition of "novel".
"inertia" could be bettered, if you can think of a suitable alternative.
d
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Hello. Thanks for helping. I have written the passage with your corrections in mind. What are your thoughts?
As the weather is especially inclement, Alex is unable to go outside as perhis usual plans, so instead, he reads a novel in his bedroom while in the company of Jack, who being thrice his age, murmurs to himself quietly. Alex would not have been spe
As the weather is especially inclement, Alex is unable to go outside as per
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