The Climate. Could you please take a look at my essаy?

Question

The climate in Moscow is temperately continental. There are neither sharp frosts nor excessive heats in Moscow, however deviations from the norm happen rather often. Sometimes in December there came long thaws. In summer, sharp colds and long rainfalls change the heat. The average temperature above zero keeps for 194 days a year, and the temperature below zero lasts for 103 days. The sun shines for 1568 hours per year.

The most important characteristic feature of the Moscow climate is the transparent atmosphere for the sun radiation, being a sign of pollution in the air. For the last forty-year period the transparence of the atmosphere in Moscow has become less for 3 percent.

For the same forty years the common cloudiness in Moscow has became 10% more. It is connected with both the increase of the repeatability of atmosphere circulation in the cold period of the year, and the influence of the city making for the growth of the consistence of moisture in the atmosphere.

During growing of the city the differences between the Moscow climate and the climate in the suburbs become more. In clean frosty nights out of the city sometimes there are for 4-5 degrees colder. For the last 80 years the average annual temperature has not changed in the outskirts of the city, and in the central part of the city it has grown.

I hope it didn't tire you

Thank you.

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

The climate in Moscow is temperately continental. There are neither sharp frosts nor excessive heat wavesin Moscow[;]however[,] deviations from the norm happen rather often. Sometimes in December there [can be] long thaws. In summer, sharp [snaps of] cold [weather] and long rainfalls

the heat. The average temperature [remains] above zero [Celsius] for 194 days a year and the [average] temperature [remains] below zero for 103 days [what about the other 68 days?]. The sun shines for 1568 hours per year.

The most important []feature of the Moscow climate is the transparent atmosphere for the sun radiation, being a sign of pollution in the air. For the last forty-year period the transparence of the atmosphere in Moscow has become less for 3 percent. [This paragraph needs work.]

For the same forty years the common cloudiness in Moscow has became 10% more. It is connected with both the increase of the repeatability of atmosphere circulation in the cold period of the year, and the influence of the city making for the growth of the consistence of moisture in the atmosphere. [This paragraph needs work.]

The differences between the Moscow and nearby suburbs climates has increased during Moscow's growth over the past 40 years. In clea[r] frosty nights out of the city sometimes it is 4-5 degrees colder. For the last 80 years the average annual temperature has not changed in the suburbs, but the average temperature has increased in the central part of Moscow.

I am not sure what you are trying to say in your middle two paragraphs. I am not sure if you are referring to weather or to pollution or to both. Also, weather patterns have changed all over the world during the last 40-80 years, so I am not sure that one can draw many conclusions from an isolated city.

MountainHiker

Mishau · Answer

Thank you, MountainHiker, for your attantion and help! It is so useful, because people neglect my mistakes a great deal.
Still I have a few questions.

1. [;]however[,] - Using semicolons. Where can I learn more about it?
2. rainfalls

the heat - actually I meant "replace". Can I use "replace" in this context?
3. remains - I suppose "keeps" to be irrelevant here as a colloquial word. Right? Form my dictionary:

"The weather keeps fine."

What's wrong with it? Too colloquial?

4. [what about the other 68 days?]. - The average temperature remains at zero, obviously.
Here in Russia, the temperature is measured in whole numbers of degrees only. Thus, it allows us to talk about the temperature above zero, the temperature below zero and the zero temperature.

5. "I am not sure if you are referring to weather or to pollution or to both"
Can I rewrite these two paragraphs like this:

The most important feature of the Moscow climate is the transparent atmosphere for the sun radiation, because this transparence serves as an inderect sign of pollution in the air. For the last forty-year period the integral atmosphere transparence figure in Moscow has become less for 3 percent.

For the same forty years the figure of the middle cloudness in Moscow has become 10% more. It may be connected with growing of the recurrency of atmosphere circulation in the cold period of the year, as well as with the urban influence, which contributes to (makes for?) the growth of moisture consistence in the atmosphere.

("middle" does not imply "average")

6. "I am not sure that one can draw many conclusions from an isolated city. " - That was my fault. I supposed readers to be aware of the Moscow climate in general.

It looks like I didn't write the introduction and got down to concrete details.

Thank you.

MountainHiker · Answer

Hi,

1. [;]however[,] - Using semicolons. Where can I learn more about it?

Have a look at [url="http://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/grammar_subordinate.html"]conjunctive adverbs[/url]. It should give you some good information.

2. rainfalls the heat - actually I meant "replace". Can I use "replace" in this context?

No, you shouldn't. You are comparing two different things. Cold replaces the heat. Rain doesn't replace the heat.

3. remains - I suppose "keeps" to be irrelevant here as a colloquial word. Right? Form my dictionary:

"The weather keeps fine."

What's wrong with it? Too colloquial?

It sounds a bit odd to my ears, but it is used. So I guess it is okay.

4. [what about the other 68 days?]. - The average temperature remains at zero, obviously.
Here in Russia, the temperature is measured in whole numbers of degrees only. Thus, it allows us to talk about the temperature above zero, the temperature below zero and the zero temperature.

I would be surprised if one quarter of the days of the year are at zero degrees. That seems unlikely that any one degree would occupy such a large percentage of days for a region where there is considerable temperature differences.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/weather/world/city_guides/city.shtml?tt=TT004430

Have a look at the above link. It doesn't appear to me that one quarter of the days are averaging zero.

5. "I am not sure if you are referring to weather or to pollution or to both"
Can I rewrite these two paragraphs like this:

The most important feature of the Moscow climate is the transparent atmosphere for the sun radiation, because this transparence serves as an inderect sign of pollution in the air. For the last forty-year period the integral atmosphere transparence figure in Moscow has become less for 3 percent.

For the same forty years the figure of the middle cloudness in Moscow has become 10% more. It may be connected with growing of the recurrency of atmosphere circulation in the cold period of the year, as well as with the urban influence, which contributes to (I prefer contributes to--makes for?) the growth of moisture consistence [content is a better word] in the atmosphere.

("middle" does not imply "average")

A few points:

A) We usually use "transparency" as opposed to "transparence"

B) cloudness should be cloudiness

C) I think you should educate your reader on transparency and pollution first, and then discuss Moscow.

To measure pollution in the atmosphere, scientists refer to a measure called transparency. Transparency is blah blah blah. For cities that have a transparency of Z, it is considered very clear and clean. Values ranging from K to Y are moderate. And values below J are considered polluted.

D) For something that has aleady happened, it no longer "becomes".

Example: For the last forty-year period the integral atmosphere transparence figure in Moscow was less than 3 percent.

There are more instances of this in your above writing.

E) Please see above for minor edits.

6. "I am not sure that one can draw many conclusions from an isolated city. " - That was my fault. I supposed readers to be aware of the Moscow climate in general.
It looks like I didn't write the introduction and got down to concrete details.

You write very well. I think you should be proud of your writing ability.

MountainHiker

Mishau · Answer

Hi, MountainHiker.
Thank you for the compliments, the links and such a profound analysis of my essay as it really opened my eyes to a few things in grammar, particularly to accuracy, which is hard to reach if you study English on your own. Such a kind of critique makes me realize many weaknesses and it also gives me a new direction to go in my studying.

MountainHiker · Answer

Hi Mishau,

Your English is very good. You can certainly communicate with others without difficulty. Now, just come time and practice.

MountainHiker

The Climate. Could you please take a look at my essаy?

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