The chart shows the percentage of the adult population employed in different categories in 2003 and 2013

Question

The bar chart compares the proportion of adults employed in seven sectors: engineering, medical, self-employed, business, hospitality, education and unemployed in 2003 and 2013.

Overall, the percentages of population of engineering, medical and self-employed went up, while the figures of the remaining sectors witnessed the opposite trend.

In 2003, the data of engineering was 16 percent compared to 18 percent in 2013. After 10 years, the figure of the medical sector rose by 8 percent. For the self-employed category, the difference between 2003 and 2013 was 5 percent.

On the contrary, the population proportion of business in 2003 was highest of all (30 percent) and this reduced to the same as the medical sector. The figures of hospitality and education dropped by 2 and 7 percent respectively, whereas the rate of the unemployed category decreased to reach 3 percent in 2013.

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The bar chart compares the percentages ~~proportion~~ of adults employed in seven sectors: engineering, medical, ~~self-employed~~, business, hospitality, and education ~~and unemployed~~ in 2003 and 2013. (Unemployed and Self-employed are not a sector. )

Model paragraph 1

The bar chart compares the percentages of adults employed in five sectors of the economy: engineering, medical, business, hospitality and education in 2003 and 2013. It also gives the percentage who owned their own business (self-employed) and those without work (unemployed).

Note:

You need to separate the categories self-employed and unemployed because these are not sectors of the economy. They are employment categories.

If you want to use "unemployment rate" in the body paragraphs, define the term here in the first paragraph. e.g. "The percent of the population without work is commonly called the "unemployment rate."

Overall, the percentages ~~of population~~ of employment in the engineering and medical fields, as well as those ~~and~~ self-employed went up, while those in ~~figures of the~~ (In a math/science context, a figure is a table, diagram or other graphic inserted in the text. It refers to numeric values only in a business performance context. Avoid the word "figure" in Task 1. Use pronouns!) remaining sectors had ~~witnessed~~ (Avoid the verbs "see, witness, experience" in Task 1. Percentages do not witness anything. Only human beings and living creatures witness, experience and see things. These anthropomorphic verbs are inappropriate for a math/science context. Use them liberally in literary contexts like Task 2 where anthropomorphism is a lovely literary style.) the opposite trend.

In 2003, the ~~data of~~ engineering sector employed ~~was~~ 16 percent compared to 18 percent in 2013. After 10 years, ~~the figure of~~ the medical sector employment had risen ~~rose~~ by 8 percent. For the self-employed category, the difference between 2003 and 2013 was 5 percent.

~~On the contrary,~~ (Improper transition phrase) The sector with the highest employment in 2003 was business; however, this decreased by 4% to match that of the medical field in 2013. ~~the population proportion of business in 2003 was highest of all (30 percent) and this reduced to the same as the medical sector.~~ The ~~figures~~ proportions in of hospitality and education dropped by 2 and 7 percent respectively, whereas ~~the rate of the unemployed category~~ unemployment decreased to reach 3 percent in 2013.

The chart shows the percentage of the adult population employed in different categories in 2003 and 2013

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