The chart below give information about levels of education in Glasgow, a city in Scotland, in 2010.

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The bar chart and pie chart illustrates the percentage of education levels by genders and age range in Glasgow, a city in Scotland, in 2010. The information provided three different education levels which are University Degree, School Certificate and No Qualification. Overall, the age groups embrace a total of University Degree's education level in the bar chart was primarily colossal of five age items. Regarding the pie chart, No Qualification has the highest percentage of educational certification that any genders were achieving with all age. Furthermore, University Degree has a massive amount the greatest proportion from 21 to 35 age range (76%). In addition, there is a subtle difference between School Certificate and No Qualification at over 75 age, slightly more people who were without certificated than men and women have a diploma in school( 72% and 3% respectively). In terms of School Certificate, out of the five age ranges, in each proportion from 16 to 75 age ranges which have slightly fluctuated 15% and 20% respectively. Moreover, it has corresponded percentage of both genders (33%). Compared to, No Qualification's aged 16 to 50 was one and the same percentage is 9%.

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The bar chart and pie chart illustrates [singular/plural] the percentage of education levels by genders and age range in Glasgow, a city in Scotland, in 2010. [This gives the impression that we have a breakdown of educational level by gender, subdivided by age group, which is not the case. It might be better to make this two separate sentences, one for the bar chart, and one for the pie.][How many age groupings are there? What are the age ranges? Note that some cohorts cover a decade and some more. Maybe list the groups.] The information is provided surrounding [ Misleading preposition: as to? regarding? ] three different education levels are [Grammar mix-up: namely? ] University Degree, School Certificate and No Qualification.

Overall, the age groups embrace an total of University Degree's education level in the bar chart was primarily colossal of five age items. [Incoherent: the key features are: the preponderance of university level education among those below fifty, and the reversal of this situation among the over-75s. ] Regarding the pie chart, No Qualification has the highest percentage of educational certification that any genders were achieving with all age. [To me, the main feature of the pie charts is that there seems to be no great differentiation by gender.]

Furthermore, University Degree has a massive [Avoid this type of journalistic word with an implicit opinion in Task 1: the report should be objective.] amount greatest proportion from 21 to 35 age range (76%). In addition, there is a subtle [poor word choice: the difference is substantial or major] difference between School Certificate and No Qualification at over 75 age, slightly [A differential of around seventy per cent is not slight.] more people who were without certificated [had no school leaving certificate] than men and women have a diploma in school( 72% and 3% respectively).

In terms of School Certificate, out of the five age ranges, in each proportion from 16 to 75 age ranges which [Incoherent grammar: where is the main verb?] have slightly fluctuated 15% and 20% respectively.[Which two age cohorts are being referred to? ] Moreover, it [What?] has corresponded [a corresponding?] percentage of both genders (33%). Compared to [Compared to what?], No [Qualification's [Why the possessive ending?] aged 16 to 50 was the same percentage is 9%. [Incoherent grammar: two finite verbs, both seemingly main.] [This fourth paragraph is largely incoherent, and will drop the score for Coherence and Cohesion substantially.]

I would question whether the capitalization of the categories "University Degree", "School certificate", and "No qualification" is really necessary. Perhaps: "those holding/with a university degree/with a school leaving certificate/with no qualification".

I think I would report the key features of the bar chart in one, somewhat longer, paragraph, and compare the pie charts in another. Your version seems not to have brought out the in-between nature of the 50-75 age cohort.

The chart below give information about levels of education in Glasgow, a city in Scotland, in 2010.

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