The benefits of knowing how to swim

Question

*Topic:

Write a paragraph about 150 words about the benefits of knowing how to swim.

*Answer:

Being able to swim brings people some benefits. First of all, knowing how to swim ensures higher chance of survival of one’s self and other in the case of emergency. For example, if it is unfortunate that a person falls into a deep body of water, he can easily save himself by swimming to the land because he knows how to swim and if another falls, he may be able to save the person’s life too. Second, swimming is a great sport which helps one develop both physically and mentally. Anyone who can swim surely has got himself a chance to keep fit, stay healthy and relax. Last but not least, swimming is a necessary skill in life. People who have already known how to swim will teach others how to swim so that they can above all their own life and maybe other’s and pass on their skill to others.

I wonder if it is necessary to write a conclusion for a paragraph. If yes, could you please suggest a good conclusion for this paragraph?

Thank you very much for your feedback and your help<3

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

AlpheccaStars · Answer

I am giving you lots of suggestions to improve the paragraph.

You use "chance" too much. Learn other ways to express your ideas.
Be concrete rather than vague. Give more specific ideas and examples.
Develop your ideas with more sentences. Instead of four points with one sentence each, present two that are well-developed with three or four sentences.

Being able to swim has quite a few benefits, especially for those who have handy access to a lake, sea, river or swimming pool. ~~brings people some~~ ~~benefits~~. (Learn to give conditions. Many people will never go on a boat that capsizes or accidentally fall off a cliff into the sea!) First of all, (Learn to use pronouns) ~~knowing how to swim~~ it ensures a higher chance of survival in the rare case of a boating disaster, flood or the collapse of a bridge. ~~of one’s self and other in the case of emergency~~. For example, if ~~it is unfortunate that~~ a person falls into a deep ~~body of~~ water, he can easily save himself by swimming to the shore ~~land~~. ~~because he knows how to swim~~ And if another falls with him, he may be able to save the person’s life too. Second, swimming is a great aerobic exercise ~~sport~~ which helps one ~~develop both~~ keep physically and mentally fit. Anyone who has access to ~~can swim~~ a swimming pool or lives near a fresh and clean natural body of water, will stay healthy as long as they swim for twenty to thirty minutes several times a week. Even very old people can do this exercise, since it does not cause wear and tear on the knees and joints like jogging or running does. Being buoyed up by water and gliding through it induces deep relaxation. After an invigorating early-morning swim, anyone will be ready to take on the day's challenges, no matter how tough. s~~urely has got himself a chance to keep fit, stay healthy and relax.~~ Last but not least, swimming is a ~~necessary~~ nice skill to have for holidays on a beautiful beach or lakeside resort. ~~in life~~. People who know ~~have already known~~ how to swim will teach others, especially their young children. Once someone has learned how to swim, it will be a wonderful asset for the rest of their life. ~~how to swim so that they can above all their own life~~ (That is very awkward and unnatural) ~~and maybe other’s and pass on~~ their skill to ~~others~~

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Example paragraph:

Being able to swim has quite a few benefits, especially for those who have handy access to a lake, sea, river or swimming pool. First of all, it ensures a higher chance of survival in the rare case of a boating accident or a bridge collapse. Strong swimmers are heroes; they save lives. Second, it is wonderful aerobic exercise. Anyone who has access to a swimming pool will stay healthy as long as they swim for twenty to thirty minutes several times a week. Even very old people can do this exercise, since it does not impact the knees and joints. After an invigorating early-morning swim, anyone will be relaxed and ready to take on the day's challenges. Last but not least, people who know how to swim can teach others, especially their young children. Once someone has this ability, it will be a wonderful asset for the rest of their life.

The benefits of knowing how to swim

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