Tense shifting in Parenting

Question

I am concerned when my clients, in trying to achieve a result with their children in the present throw all tenses at the child as in: The child is late for the bus. The parent responds with statements such as: "You have missed the bus 3 times this week. Do you (present) think you'll (future) be able to hold a job if you are always late (the child is 6, 10, 14). I think that jumping in and out between the present moment (you are late and I am upset), the past performance(guilt and shame) and the future (possible negative outcome) is ineffective and worse, is confusing when the problem always exists now.

What do you think?

Clive · Accepted Answer

Are you suggesting that parents should only speak to their children using Simple Present tense?

Are these parents, whom you call your clients) native English speakers? Do they live in an English-speaking country

Clive

AlpheccaStars · Answer

piano panda 944What do you think?

I think that children need to learn their mother tongue (in this case, English), and parents should speak the language naturally. If they observe that the children are not understanding, they can speak in a simpler way.

CalifJim · Answer

piano panda 944You have missed the bus 3 times this week. Do you (present) think you'll (future) be able to hold a job if you are always late (the child is 6, 10, 14).

You have missed the bus three times this week.

Evidence for misdemeanors that occurred in the past.

Do you think ...

Request for a present opinion,

you'll be able to hold a job

an opinion about a possible future.

if you are always late.

(continue to be late from now into the future)

the child is 6, 10, 14

How many different ages can one child have?

piano panda 944... is confusing when the problem always exists now.

Here's the same narrative all in the present.

You miss the bus three times this week. Do you think you are able to hold a job if you are always late?

I hope that's not what you want to be said because it's nothing like what a native speaker of English would say.

We always use as many tenses as we need to communicate the facts we want to communicate. There's no grammatical rule about the number of tenses we can use in our conversations.

piano panda 944I think that jumping in and out between the present moment (you are late and I am upset), the past performance(guilt and shame) and the future (possible negative outcome) is ineffective and worse, is confusing when the problem always exists now.
What do you think?

It sounds like this is a matter of counseling and not a matter of grammar. I'm not a psychologist, but I don't think trying to change a person's grammar will help them sort out their personal relationships.

CJ

Tense shifting in Parenting

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